Archive for April 17th, 2008

Joey – Aspiring Actor.  Prototypical meathead.  Normally, this is a bad thing. Not this time, I expect him to be up quite likable as Brad was a few years back. Which reminds me I haven’t been this excited for a season since Real World San Diego.  Joey is eventually going to throw someone through a wall and it is going to be glorious.  His tape he sent in with him working out in the background was ridiculous.  His diet consists of water, tuna, eggs, protein shakes, fruits, veggies, and oatmeal.  That takes discipline, I’m impressed.  PussyDabbler is definitely going to have a mancrush on him.  He has never left Chicago, strange.  He’s been getting beat up since he was 2 years old, no wonder he’s enormous.  The only bad thing I can say about him, was that his I love Soccer Moms shirt was outrageous.  

Kimberly – Aspiring entertainment host.  Token dumb hot blonde chick.  But, at least she has that southern good girl type of hot going on right now, instead of the Tricia (Real World Sydney) fake blonde trash look.  She wants to be the person on T.V. that tells people when Lindsay Lohan goes to jail next.  The more I listen to her talk, her voice really does it for me.  Kimberly’s break down of Detroit where Will is from was priceless.  

Dave – Aspiring Actor.  Party boy jock from Pennsylvania.  His introduction was hilarious when he explained how he’s good at everything he does.  He must be hung like a horse because he got naked immediately and a couple times in just the first episode.   

Sarah – Aspiring Broadcaster.  The little innocent hot girl of the house.  She graduated from ASU at age 20.  I didn’t know that was possible there, did she ever party?  Her boyfriend threatened the guys of the house in her tape.  Her boyfriend would get destroyed by every guy in the house.  Then, Sarah asks Will to take her gum off her tongue because she doesn’t want it anymore.  Her boyfriend and her aren’t going to last past episode 5.  And if they do, I really hope he visits the house and gets his ass beat.  You can tell Sarah is a huge tease though, Will needs to be careful.  

Will – Aspiring Producer.  He just seems like a good guy.  Seems like he’ll be up to doing anything and is going to be a real ladies man figuring he’s already flirting up two of the roommates in the first episode.  And he’s a sick dancer.  It’s official he’s going to get a lot of ass.

Brianna – Aspiring Singer.  She looks like a $2 hooker.  Oddly enough we find out during the episode she is a stripper.  She was already on American Idol and made the top 45 meaning she shouldn’t have even been cast.  No gay or lesbian person on the show, so she is the closest thing since I’m assuming she goes both ways.  Brianna said her ex-boyfriend treated her like a dog and yet is still the love of his life.  She is going to be easy to make fun of.  Ten minutes later and we find out she has a warrant out for her arrest for punching her boyfriend in the face. You can’t write this shit, I love the Real World.  This chick has nothing going for her in life.  The next Jessica Sierra is her ceiling.  

Greg – Aspiring Nothing.  He is fucking arrogant tool.  I despise him and people that act like him.  As obnoxious as he is, the whole calling woman ‘associates’ is quite hilarious.  But, he also calls almost everyone he sees peasants, which is obnoxious.  At one point he walked around the house saying “I am the chosen one.”  You’re not a king dude. Greg refused to go to the bar because he saw the line.  Are you serious? You are on the Real World dumbass, you wouldn’t have to wait in line.  Greg made fun of Joey for wearing a t-shirt in the hot tumb, totally unnecessary.  Then it sparks a mini altercation that will eventually end up in Joey giving him a reality check real soon.  He then calls all of his roommates peasants, this won’t end well.   

Stage 20 (The House) – So unfair.  Watching Joey bust a nut over the new Bow Flex was quite entertaining, I didn’t know people could actually identify something like that.  Why does a $2 crack whore get to live there?  The basketball court is sick and will get underused as it always does99.  Hot tub and pool are awesome as per usual.  Then they have a bunch of Hollywood themed rooms in the house, which are kind of strange.  They have urinals, can’t wait until one of the girls tries to use them.  

Kindergarten Crush – That line can’t work, can it?

Hookups – Greg will hook up with no one in the house.  The other 6 will all hook up with each other.  Dave & Kimberly.  Will & Sara.  Joey & Brianna.  Hell, they almost all did in the first episode.  

All in all this season looks amazing.  As I said before I haven’t been this pumped for a season since San Diego.  I can’t wait to watch it all play out.  Will Brianna hit Kimberley?  Will, Will hit Greg?  Will Brianna give Joey A.I.D.S.?  Will Joey murder someone?

Side Note 99: Speaking of basketball, the Timberwolves can’t even figure out how to lose right.  What is the point of trying and winning last night?  It proves nothing.  Now we tie for the third worst record in the league, meaning we have a smaller chance of winning the lottery.  Knowing our luck we’ll now get the 7^th pick, which is the worst we can end up with and pick the next Corey Brewer.  Not happy.