Archive for November, 2007

I couldn’t figure out what to put up for today’s article.  I wanted to put up last weekend’s drinking stories that have put me on bedrest for the past 2 days.  But the stories aren’t quite done yet and my body hates me from no sleep last week and I’m not witty when I’m sick.  Therefore, I’ve decided to post my commercial that was on Kare 11 last week.  Going into the commercial I was hoping to do well or at least average.  I think I do below average after watching it a couple times.  But, the reason I’m posting it is to provide entertainment (albeit the highest level of unintentional comedy).  Try watching it a couple times, you can’t help but laugh at me (not with me).  Many people in the past week, have said things like good job or you sounded good.  Maybe they think that, but I’m my own worst critic and I know I didn’t do well.  I could blame it on the fact that the whole thing is an impromptu or the fact I hadn’t even thought about what I was saying87.  But, when people have personally told me/texted/facebooked me, they have all said good things, and I don’t fucking believe them.  I honestly think everyone is being sarcastic88.  So, the point of my website is to provide entertainment and I have never been above poking fun at myself.  Watch it a few times I guarantee some laughs.   

http://www.showcaseminnesota.com/show/client_article.aspx?storyid=270246

Two quick things to note after watching the video.  For the record the company Ekornes uses the word ergonomical all the time, so it was not me trying to sound smart.  If you read my blogs, you know I don’t use big words to sound like some sophisticated douche.  And, I will give myself credit for something, my quick adjustment/unbuttoning of my suit coat, which was trying it’s hardest to choke me out during the commercial.

Side Note 87: This reminds me of something that always bothered me in high school and college.  You know when you are on your way to a test and your friend tells you he didn’t study at all, when you know god damn well he’s been prepping for weeks.  See, I was always the kid on the way to his accounting test telling the truth, that I honestly had not studied and expected to fail.  This is how I felt going into this commercial.  I didn’t want to practice or waste time practicing things that I don’t even know I’m going to be asked.  Instead, I’ll just wing it and see how it goes, which is what I did.

Side Note 88: My personal favorite text comes from H-Bomb.  “Oh my gosh…I wish I could have that video constantly streaming throughout my day…I might put it on my ipod.  Aids is funny that’s f-ing hilarious.”

An old bud (Mr. Mann Theater) sent me this link.  It’s pure genious.  Infinitely long and if you wanted to analyze the whole thing, it could take an entire day.  I gave up about half way and still loved it.  You can also click on each graph to go to the song as well.
http://www.jamphat.com/rap/ 

JebusHChrist provided a funny link.  For the record, I hate John Mayer and all of his music, but this was pretty funny and makes a mockery of the infamous 1 cup 2 girl nonsense.
http://manvstrain.blogspot.com/2007/11/john-mayer-is-hilarious-no-seriously.html

I heart Boogard.  He needs to play more already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfkxC5LKxsQ

He’s gonna kick my ass?  This video makes me laugh every time.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FAYWPV3F41Y

1) Previously on Nip/Tuck, PoopSex. Hilarious. I can’t get enough of how funny that scene was.

2) Tonights issue, misproportioned nipples.

3) Eden is going to get owned in this game. She can’t try and fuck with Christian. (Rereading this, I was at least dead on with this line)

4) Matt and Kimber doing drugs. Matt levitating. Awesome. The first two scenes are already amazing. Matt pawed (hit) Kimber and I liked it. I don’t know why I found seeing a girl get hit and accepting it okay.

5) Blackmail is a criminal offense?

6) PoopSex girl (Sean’s fiance) is back and fucking with her clothes on (not surprisingly) and it looked like she was the one doing the pile driving. ‘Mutual masturbation sequences for the past 10 years,’ that was a perfect analysis of Sean and Julia’s sex life during this show. That was one of those textbook girl moves where they want to know what you’re thinking but they really don’t. It’s a lose-lose. You tell her and she still stops having sex and goes to bed, you don’t tell her and she acts mad and still goes to bed.

7) I think I just nutted, Eden looks phenomenal in that scene with the huge hoop earings.

Bored for once, Kimber blaming the church for all of her issues. Yes and then they quickly turn it. Matt is going to fuck a dude for $5,000. This would be the first time Matt fucks a dude knowing that the person is actually a guy.

9) Does anything ever good come from Swingers parties? They’ve never portrayed it well in any movie or t.v. show ever and yet every man is still completely intrigued by this idea.

10) Money under the carpet, she is hallucinating. Wait, was that whole scene a hallucination?

11) That whole school girl sex scene was awesome. But, now he’s cooking in the strangest outfit ever, bare ass and an apron of a swimsuit. What the fuck is going on? I’ve been lost multiple times this episode.

12) Sean, just fucked himself over. PoopSex wants to get fucked by a black guy.

13) Jesus Eden. I’m in love. Could she be any hotter in that red dress, honestly? And then the random d-bag makes fun of her.

14) Eden taped her mother having sex with Julia, she is the second coming of the devil. Turn the laptop in this direction Christian, I want to watch too.

15) Matt was going to get fucked by a machine. That man was enormous he would have punished Matt and the S.T.D growing on his neck (what the fuck is that, spider bites?).

16) Eden with no clothes on. I would marry her, no questions asked.

17) Wow. That was one creepy zoo like Swinger party. That does nothing for me and hopefully no one else. Each person looked like some sort of ugly different creature. “Clean up after yourself, I’m the host not the maid.” Haha. All of these people are fat or hideous looking. I’m rather grossed out. I want to yell Big Wheel so they stop showing it on T.V.

18) Sean tweaking on her and her fighting back right now is an illusion. Nope, I’m wrong it happened. And now I can’t figure out if Kimber is fucking the drug dealer. I’m so off during this episode.

19) Christian just owned Eden, that was a fucking baller move. Eden’s going to rehab. I hope to hell that doesn’t mean she isn’t in the next few episodes.

Previews: Nip/Tuck reality version. Wow. Rivagulous. This episode is going to be hilarious. I can’t get enough of this idea. Next Tuesday: Plastic Fantastic featuring New York.

1) Before the show even started they had a song from M.I.A. called Paper Planes.  I feel stupider after watching that.  It make The Hills look like its Academy Awards material, which I gess it might be considering all the ‘supposed acting’ everyone claims takes place.

2) Awesome opening scene setting the tone for Stephanie Pratt.  A She Pratt.  I kind of like how that sounds.  I think that was the first exchange between Audrina and LC in the past few weeks outside of giggling at Whitney and fitness man.

3) Stephanie would want to get married in Croatia.  And that couldn’t make more sense, she looks just like one of those European blonde middle eastern mail order brides you order over the internet85.

4) Stephanie offered to marry Spencer and Heidi.  I love Stephanie already she is like a female version of Spencer.  She doesn’t take any of this seriously either, she’s already fucking around in her first scene.

5) Audrina isn’t the smartest bulb on the tree.  Let me just quote her last line when describing her and Justin’s relationship, “whenever we are together, we are like together.”

6) Stephanie looks like such a trashy blonde at the bar.  I kind of like it. 

7) What the fuck MTV didn’t even have video of the kiss.  Don’t they probably have a million cameras like the Real World.  So, the kiss probably didn’t even happen either.  What isn’t made up on this show?

Okay.  I believe the kiss happened now.  But, that was one fucking weird exchange outside the bar.  Justin Bobby86 leaves the bar all over the random ugly girl with black lipstick and tauntingly laughs at Audrina for being mad.  Holy Shit! I just went back to see how all over each other they were.  Justin’s arm was around her from the back and he grabs her boob.  Swear to god go back and check it out.  Then Audrina yells at the girl and says she is done with both of them, which means she probably knows this random girl and my bet is it’s a friend of Justin Bobby’s.  Also, since Audrina doesn’t talk to him for days on end at times he’s probably been out fucking around with this girl on the side anyway.  Lastly, Justin Bobby stumbles (stumbles would be putting it mildly, he was incoherent and zig zagging across the parking lot) after Audrina to try and reconcile after laughing at her.  Then he uses his Justin Bobby Zen like mind games and fucks with her pea sized brain and takes her home.  I’m in awe of that whole scene.

9) Why has it taken this long for Spencer’s sister to show up?  Now she is suddenly in back to back scenes in Spencer and Heidi’s condo.  Did I mention I love Spencer’s sister, she’s hilarious.  Her analysis of Frankie was dead on, ‘who’s that guy who’s like a wannabe Wilmer Cash Money Valderamma.”  But, I did like how Stephanie claims Heidi’s her best friend and Heidi says nothing and just looks at her with a blank awkward stare.  Spencer talking to his sister was awesome, they were meant for being on t.v. and fucking with people. 

9a) Courtesy of reader and commentor known as ‘The Hills,’ here is a perfect breakdown of the apartment conversation Stephanie relayed to Spencer and Heidi. “Interesting how Stephanie relays the Opera argument but leaves out many key points that make her look ridiculous, like just approaching them from nowhere to start up drama, asking Brody to leave with them, having no answer when Brody said they whole thing was Spencer’s doing in the first place. Good for Brody for standing up for Lauren and telling Stephanie to mind her own business”

10) Justin Bobby’s pulling out all the tricks to try and get her back this time.  About as clean cut and appropriately dressed as he has ever been.

11) Justin Bobby’s Zen like game didn’t work.  Look like they are just going to have to go their separate ways now and ‘kick rocks.’

12) Previews: Heidi is having second doubts about marriage, like I didn’t see that coming from a mile away.  Audrina gets some rebound ass with an Aussie.  And Playboy Brody Jenner lets Lauren look through his ‘homeboy’ phone where he has all of his random ass phone numbers.

Side Note 85: Speaking of the internet, someone e-mailed me about this website where you can watch episodes of your favorite t.v. shows for free.  I’m linking the website so that people who want can catch up on the show Gossip Girl before it comes out on DVD a year from now they can.  This season is only 8 episodes in and wouldn’t take that much effort.  Here is the website: http://tvliveshows.com/?page_id=18  And here are my thoughts on the show so far: http://michaelmoller.com/wordpress/archives/253

Side Note 86: What the fuck was Justin Bobby wearing?  He looked like the male version of little red riding hood.

ClubberLang- I miss bownlee and razor and mo brown and g lewis and jovan. 5:25 p.m. 10/6/07
-I just miss college.  But, that does remind how much I hate the Big Ten Network, it only allowed me to watch one televised Hawkeye game this year.  They need to get that fixed already.

TurdBurglar - Black out!! 9:37 p.m. 10/6/07
-Couldn’t have said it better myself.

TurdBurglar - We are on way to bar.  Hurry up cock head. 9:38 p.m. 10/6/07
-Cock head? Isn’t that redundant?

JackBauer’sGirl - Awesome…my cankles are so big he can probably see them from the booth. 1:22 p.m. 10/7/07

HoJoke - Finally a backdoor cover just a fucking absurd weekend for me so far. 2:30 p.m. 10/7/07
-I love backdoor covers, haha.

AllAmerican - I hate pooping liquid. 2:51 p.m. 10/9/07
-I can second that one.  I hate painful poops

BuiltLikeMachine - All day everyday. 4:42 p.m. 10/10/07
-Hell fucking yes.  I heart AD: All Day Adrian Peterson

BuiltLikeMachine - Virgin Saikes. 5:19 p.m. 10/10/07
-Strange accent we put on the sucks.

Johnsta - Haha were dead silent on the bus. 7:54 p.m. 10/10/07
-After Virgin’s horrible coaching ousted Johnsta’s team from the high school soccer playoffs.

Milf - Guess what. Creepy old lady ada 3at39 called me from a secret number.  And what are the odds she got a job at west group. And im at majors. Nice. 7:46 p.m. 10/11/07
-3at39, I kind of miss her in a way. Look at the entertainment she provides:
http://michaelmoller.com/wordpress/archives/152

MiniMiz - your website is inappropriate for work- and plus i want to stay anonymous. 9:25 a.m. 10/12/07
-Not posting doesn’t make you anonymous.  You are still in tons of stories and as soon as I create a charcter profile for you then the readers know everything they need to know.

MiniMiz - Not anymore…it got wrecked with porn viruses…otherwise i’d make and download my own songs.  9:27 a.m. 10/12/07
-Haha.  Mini’s computer got ruined from too much porn.

JackBauer’sGirl - Haha yuck. I think I know more about your poop than I know about your life! 11:03 a.m. 10/12/07

Bogartz - Chester taylor and erasmus james square off.  ha ha. 12:31 p.m. 10/12/07
-Erasmus is a fucking disappointing clown.  He barely even gets PT anymore.  Nice first round pick.

K-Bex - U goin out tonight? 8:50 a.m. 10/13/07
-Don’t ask stupid questions.  P.S. I like where your heads at, asking that question before 9.

K-Bex - Yup.  Gimme a call when u know what u r doing. (notice the britney gimme!) wow! Haha
-I think you were on the right path there, you were about to start insulting yourself for being so lame during that text.

Liz Luke - car andrea gone college friendi. 4:31 p.m. 10/13/07
-Runaway winner of what the fuck does that mean text.

TheBigGuy - AP is possibily legit.  I am very worried about the next 10 yrs. 1:19 p.m. 10/14/07
-Possibly?  Do you watch football

MiniMiz - You’re the one upper. 8:08 a.m. 10/19/07

MiniMiz - Have you seen mtv’s datekiller? 9:34 a.m. 10/19/07
-Nope, never even heard of it.  I must be slacking on my MTV shows.  Is it good, has anyone seen it?

BergTurd - I feel like death. contemplating pulling the trigger. 11:09 a.m. 10/19/07
-Pulling the trigger is always the right choice.

BergTurd - Just vommed eight times. unforced feel like a champ now. 11:22 a.m. 10/19/07
-Congrats

BergTurd - I love jj’s. yummm. 11:35 a.m. 10/19/07
-Well that was a quick transition from puking to eating

ClubberLang - NYC bars suck! 15 bucks for cover so i can pay 6 more for beer. i miss dollar you call it. 5:46 p.m. 10/19/07
-I also miss dollar drinks at bars in Iowa and knowing bartenders.

KenDiesel - Get in the van! 10:40 p.m. 10/19/07
-Great Dane Cook quote.

Kermit - Help! 10:09 a.m. 10/21/07

HogginBoy - Adrian gives me a massive boner. 2:41 p.m. 10/21/07

K-Bex - I think i can safely say i know what hell feels like! I feel like absolute shit. I even have the shakes! 3:34 p.m. 10/21/07
-A pickle and the shakes