Archive for October 25th, 2007

In honor of my return to the city of Iowa, I felt the need to bring back a good old article.  This article (graduation) reminds me of the last time I was actually together with this many of my closest friends.  Last years visit didn’t include everyone and was poorly set up.  This weekend features a football game and is Halloween weekend.  In other words, I’m not one bit excited.  

The following are notes I left to myself one day, so I will tell stories about that wonderful graduation day of mine.

11 straight bags victories…I didn’t think this was possible, considering the fact that my teammate was my brother who was playing bags for the first time in his life.  I realize I never lose at this game, but I didn’t realize I was that good and my bro’s a natural he’s got my blood, which makes him good and thankfully that blood keeps aids away.

random skyler dude…I was still hammered from the night before when I went to graduation.  So, we had to sit alphabetically and this guy was in for a ride, I didn’t stop talking through the entire graduation.  I had him laughing a lot, but honestly my jokes cant stay that funny for that long.  He’s got a band and he invited me to see him play when he’s in MN this summer.  I admire him, he’s got no goals in life, except to become a rock star, I hope he succeeds.

still drunk…haha this one made me laugh, because it was probably so true

water fountain story…oh this one made me angry.  I was obviously extremely dehydrated from drinking the night before, so my throat was dryer, than my body after using a towl after getting out of the shower (I tried to think of the gayest analogy alive, and that’s all I could come up with, I wish I was drunk I know I could do better).  Back to story.  So, my throat was dry and I craved water.  Someone told me there was a drinking fountain around the corner.  So, when I got there, I bent down and pressed the button and the fucking thing was turned off. I honestly thought about beating the hell out of it, but realized there were way too many parents around, since when has this stopped me before though, hell I dumped over a church’s hot chocolate stand on the way to an Iowa football game, parents were angry at me and one wanted to fight me, I would have kicked his ass, he was religous and had morals, I don’t (I love run on sentences, I’m going to use them more now).  Back to story, it was a Fucking Crisis, my throat felt like it was bleeding by the time graduation was over. 

wanting to do something stupid during speech…Hindsight, kinda happy I didn’t.  My parents would have been ashamed and I would have felt bad.  It’s okay to make a fool of myself, but my family did nothing wrong they shouldn’t suffer for having to deal with me.

actually getting nervous for once…Trust me, this doesn’t happen, I can handle any situation.  I’ve talked to parents about blowjobs, nothing is awkward to me.  But, for some reason when I stood up and walked on the stage, my heart was racing (at least I know I have one now). 

unbelievable food at after festivies…We went to Hy-Vee and got my favorite Mexican Bean Dip, it’s probably the best food god could have created.  They should serve this shit at communion with a margarita as the blood of christ, so many more people would go to church then.  I should have my own reality show, I would do some of the sweetest shit ever.

wearing outfit to party…Oh, I wore my Gown to the grad party.  Every person commented on it, like it was something new, that I was wearing a random outfit for no particular purpose that no one else was wearing.  Seriously, people just needed to stop worrying about that.

so many hot girls i’ve never even seen in the business building…Yeah, what the fuck?  I was in there 24-7, wait no I wasn’t, I rarely studied, cramming the way to go.  Maybe, that’s why I never saw them and there82 not smart enough to be an accountant.  (Haha, I sounded like a stuck up prick right there, like all the accountants I’ve had to deal with over the years and I’m not.  ’And for that I apologize’).

last night, PussyDabbler getting kicked out…me and him getting way too drunk…PussyDabbler got spit on and didn’t even want to fight someone…i bought JackBauer’sGirl’s family drinks, it was awesome…PussyDabbler has to be blacked out to walk away from a fight, this just doesn’t happen Period  Wait that doesn’t make sense, he loves fights when he’s blacked out.  Hmm, I can’t explain this.  I was outta my mind obviously but one part that stuck out from that night, was JackBauer’sGirl’s family ready to leave.  So, I bought them all beers and then they were forced to stick around, haha, smart bastard is me.

Side Note 82: When re-posting this I noticed how big of a dumbass I am.  I’m clearly trying to insult a bunch of hot girls that I went to school with, but in doing so I couldn’t even use the correct there.  It’s they’re admin.

This article originally appeared May 13, 2006.