Archive for October 4th, 2007

A very old article from June 29, 2006.  I doubt anyone has even read this article because it’s so old, so that’s why I brought it back.  I really enjoy this article and I don’t know why.  I was obviously quite drunk while writing these things.  This is the only article I’ve put in three categories, a tough one to characterize. 

Drunk Night to say the least rereading this shit to type it makes me laugh, wow the things I say, I love it.

NC1 - the irateness builds inside me.  The fury just made clench my fists so hard that the danish coins penetrated my hand, creating blood.  Whatever, Iøm so thirsty, I would drink it.  The fucking cart stopped a booth away! Iøm thinking about paying for their food just to give me this 16 oz $4 bottle of water.  I went to the bathroom 10 minutes ago and drank from a faucet that had a huge sign on the mirror saying donøt drink.  Whatever, Iøm on a train they probably use the same recycled water to flush everyoneøs shit, shouldnøt of brought that up now I need to go.  By the way Iøm thinking about making out with this ’sick’ chick next to me just to get water.  It’s here, yes…. She’s literally coughing every 2 minutes26.

Side Note 26: she looks like she wants to cry because she ordered pills and they didnøt have any, haha

NC2 - Itøs funny how Daneøs use American slang.  Some guy just said fuck in Danish.  And he used Yes, with emphasis, itøs so funny.  Iøve adapted that Yes because itøs easier for me to use English. (pure drunken rambling, sorry)

I just got god knows how many hours of sleep, less than 3, but it’s impossible to fall asleep on this train.  Sick bitch can, I canøt.  I almost want Mono back, thatøs how much I want to sleep right now.

I guaranteed creeped this Danish chick out last night.  I remember thinking sober how much I wanted her.  I woke up with her number.  Iøm so scared for myself, Iøm afraid of what I said, or worse what if I paid her (fuck that, I know I will never ever do that).  Regardless, I know I used the patented (by me) date line.  So, Iøm calling her when I get back27.  I also woke up wth 2 dudes cell numbers in my phone.  I know there were no man crushøs, what the fuck happened last night, seriously.  No one can tell me, itøs not fair.

Side Note 27: Iøm writing this right now a couple days after getting back and have yet to call her, donøt know if I ever will, I have no recollection of any conversation we had.

NC3 - My scab on my elbow from wrestling 2 weeks ago just peeled off and fell on the table.  Talk about revolting.

Fassad (guaranteed spelled wrong, but that’s how it sounds)…Sounds like Farrah28.  I put on this Fassad at parties in Denmark, like Iøm this shy down to earth nice guy, which I do believe I am, wait normally I’m not, but people do believe Iøm nice, I think, I donøt know.  Whatever, these Danes donøt know the devious crazy thoughts going on in my mind.

Next Stop..Middel Fart…Pronounced exactly how you would think.  Laughing out loud, looking dumb, fuck you sick chick.

Sex in Denmark…they have it so young like 14 is normal and average.  Virtually impossible to find an 18 year old virgin.  So, not my style, to get on these girls since they have had infinite partners.  Whatever, I wonøt know what happens when I black out next anyways….Ooooh water.

Side Note 28: by the way why are there no Somaliøs in Iowa.  They overpopulate MN and I didnøt see one in 4 years at Iowa. 

NC4 - I want to rip my pen in half and see what happens.  Perhaps, the blue blood, wait this is black, anyway, maybe this blood will spray all over sick chick.  Iøm laughing out loud envisioning this. I just snorted, I laughed so hard.  It reminded me of the day a guy snorted coke in my dormroom.  Such, a good thing I didnøt do it.  I would not stop writing if I was on coke.  My life would be one huge trip, scary.  Good idea, I didnøt do this.  This pen idea might happen, who am I kidding I donøt care, whatever, sheøll wake up, I wonøt be jealous of her anymore, I wont have Mono like her and sheøll have ink on her, sheøll be awake and angry.  haha, delicious idea.

NC5 - Attention span is 0. I canøt even listen to music in piece.  I want to ask these guys around me to engage in the most ridiculous conversation ever created by man29. Like seriously, ask them about sexual postions or ask how much they would need to get paid to lick sick chickøs face.  Must not stop writing on notecards, which is ghetto by the way. 

Side Note 29 : So random, no idea why I thought of this.  Personality girl #2.  The other day a 45ish year old woman, wanted me.  This I know, 1:100 odds I know.  She had 28 and 29 year old boys, shit she was probably more like 55ish then.  Anyway she said she would come visit me at my work sometime.  Her sonøs a big wig at yahoo and does it based out of India.  I dug the fact that she reminds me of my friends parents.  Anway, she specifically pointed out twice that she had been divorced twice, I was golden.

NC6 - By the way, next presidential election should be based on something people relate to.  How about fucking discuss a topic like the future of sports or how to eliminate sexual diseases.  Guarantee a 90% turnout for my generation.  Just farted, can’t play a fart off on a train they have to all know it’s me.  Old people just kissed and loved it, I hope they are still both getting ass and I hope I am too when Iøm their age. We just passed a PWC building, they have the same accounting firms in Denmark, huh strange.  Wow, I didnøt learn shit in college, haha, still gonna make sick money somewhere, eat it school and your 2-sided bullshit stuff you taught me.

NC7 City names in Denmark kill me, the last town we passed was Odder, pronounced other.  Seriously, who created these names; an English comedian with a terrible sense of humor. Just listened to a song that I rated on my Ipod a 1 out of 5 sober, I’m loving it now.  Fuck that rating, sober = bad, hungover/drunk = good; music is infinitely better when drunk.  Is it bad I now look for the ring on older women everytime I see one.  Nah, that’s legit my range is now only from 18-55ish after that chick from the other day (nah, I’m playing).  Shit, I have problems.

NC8 - My favorite color is blue, which means I was a sellout at age 2 and picked the same color as everyone else. (wow that is random).I hate rap skits, why are they there. Seriously, Iøve never liked one, ever. Ooooh casino in Amsterdam, time to win money, Yes, Yes, Yes!

NC9 - What the fuck, why is seating so arbitrary.  Fuck the number system that decided I have to sit next to sick chick.  What about seperating male and female model a couple rows in front of me.  Put her next to me, money says I donøt look as good as him, but I can maybe intellectually stimulate her and maybe sexually for about 3-4 seconds.  Yeah, thatøs it, she really is that ungodly30 good looking.

Side Note 30: Why, do I reference god, my thoughts on him are very ______.  Donøt know the word for it.  Mixed doesnøt do it justice.  I’m creating a word for this, danish letter word: æåø, that’s it, it ranges my religious thoughts.  I’m done talking abut God, I hate when people talk about religion or politics, so I must stop.

NC10 - No longer on train, I’m at the airport.  This is probably the most important and best notecard….It hurts so bad holding back right now.  I know fights are inappropriate in airports, hell I’d probably get arrested.  These 2 fucking kids need cement blocks thrown at their faces.  I hate them and I don’t know them.  Description: Ivy league stuck-up fags, sweatshirt tied around their collars, straight out of Caddyshack.  Younger brother of the two doesn’t realize that jeans are okay at age 14, already in business formal, fuck him.  Seriously, cement block isn’t painful enough.  Those glasses, that watch.  I hope someone shows him the real world.  Oh and their fag swagger needs a reality check also.  I feel like breaking the glass in his glasses and stabbing him in the shoulder with the glass, so his shoulder hurts so bad the sweatshirt can’t rest their.  Then for no apparent reason rip one of their finger nails off (for some reason the movie Saw popped into my head, yeah I know a little extreme).