Archive for October, 2007

-D, AllAmerican, PussyDabbler, Wife, LilGizard, and myself had a nice little weekend down in the City of Iowa.  The road trip down was pretty low key as AllAmerican, LilGizard and I were a little messed up from substances and napping most of the time.  We stayed the weekend at CareBear and QuestionMarkVoice’s place.  They had plenty of space and provided beds for us to sleep on, it was the best sleeping situation I’ve had while visiting a school ever.

-As I’m writing the weekend write up right now on the car ride back from the City of Iowa.  All I want to do is sleep and all my body wants to do is throw up.  I don’t remember the last time my entire body felt this bad.  I’ve already puked twice today.  The first one was pure painful dry heaving.  The second one was a round of 9 convulsions with the porcelain god and three flushes.  I felt many blood vessels in my eyes pop.  I had just finished eating spicy garlic Buffalo Wild Wings.  It hurt bad, I thought shitting that stuff sucked, this was worse.

-Wife had to pee 12 times on the drive down.  It was the only time she was a bad kitty this trip. 

-When we arrived Friday night we went immediately to Field House our old home at Iowa.  My bartender wasn’t working for the first time in about 5 years, it made me sad for about .2 seconds.

-I felt horrible after returning from the bar with some drinks because in just the two minutes I was gone QuestionMarkVoice got taken out of the bar by the cops for underage drinking.  But somehow her little innocent self managed to sweet talk the cops out of giving her a ticket.  I’ve never ever seen that happen in all my years in Iowa City.  Every single time someone has gotten pulled out of a bar they have received a ticket. 

-They ID’d AllAmerican because he is short.  That made me laugh.

-I ran into so many people at the Field House.  Most of them leaving within the hour to get rest for Saturday tailgating in which they barely drank, weak sauce.  But that is still better than ModelSister who acted like a huge hard ass drinker Friday and then didn’t even drink once at tailgating or Saturday evening.  What a fucking pussy. 

-It was a reunion for all of our friends.  I was very happy about seeing KrautyMcKrautFace and watching him interact with people.  The poor guy goes to bars in Delaware and doesn’t talk to anyone.  To say he was excited to talk to people would be putting it mildly.  KrautyMcKrautFace also sent me the best text message of the weekend when I was driving down.  It read: BergTurd, PattyMobody and EricAwe are dancing.  Gay gay gay.

-When PussyDabbler was urinating at Field House, a bandmember came into the bathroom and started playing la cookaracha (however the hell that’s spelled) on his tuba.

-This was easily the lowest key drinking time of the trip.  The next two articles give a better idea of how rivagulous the weekend was.  

The 3 Iowa City drinking articles are finished and have already been submitted for wednesday through friday this week.  But, I wanted to touch on all of my Hills thoughts the next day instead of on Friday.

So, I now almost feel bad about mocking Captain Camper after reading this article.  This interview is actually much better than the Spencer one from last week.  The kids not boring at all and actually rips the show multiple times.  I loved that the most interesting part of his date with Lauren was that he learned she isn’t allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can’t.  I laughed very hard when he described LC as odorless.  This interview said MTV paid for Brody’s barbeque house, which means it wasn’t even his place, lame.  All around good stuff from this article.
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/10/25/reality-victims-unit-meet-gavin-my-friend-who-went-on-a-date-with-lc-from-the-hills/

This weekend DungeonQueen informed me that she heard some rumors about Heidi and her job.  Supposedly, she heard that Heidi doesn’t in fact work at Bolthouse and instead just goes in once a month to film scenes.  If this is true, that’s pretty rivagulous.  I want someone to find me some proof confirming if this is true.

1) Lisa Love (a.k.a. Madame Vogue) scenes are fucking boring.

2) The Spencer/Frankie scene was awkward and actually didn’t look staged at all for once.  Spencer’s hair looked awesome in that scene.  On a related note my hair is almost long enough for me to get a haircut, which means it’s almost time for the Spencer hairstyle.  I’m already getting excited.

3) LC looked fucking hot in the grey dress at the NYC Teen Vogue office.  I guess not eating ice cream is paying off.  Haha, Lauren was all pumped to meet with some famous designer’s associate and then she gets put to work.  Be careful female models, Lauren might ask you for your number. 

4) Poor Whitney.  Every idea she had got nixed.  It would officially suck working in that industry. Huh, how the hell did she get a good review?

5) Brody should be able to forgive his old best friend Spencer, you are a fucking guy, you get over that shit.  They were hilarious together.  Brody’s just trying to say he doesn’t care about Spencer to get inside LC’s pants.  He’s so transparent and yet so damn effective.

This past weekend I went to Iowa City and had the best weekend I’ve had in months.  I haven’t had that much fun since Vegas.  I’m finishing up the stories and they will be up the next 3 days.  In the meantime here’s a hilarious video.  I can’t believe I haven’t put this up before.  I’ve proabably seen this video over a 100 times.

http://www.hrtwrk.com/video/gooddoctor.mov

In honor of my return to the city of Iowa, I felt the need to bring back a good old article.  This article (graduation) reminds me of the last time I was actually together with this many of my closest friends.  Last years visit didn’t include everyone and was poorly set up.  This weekend features a football game and is Halloween weekend.  In other words, I’m not one bit excited.  

The following are notes I left to myself one day, so I will tell stories about that wonderful graduation day of mine.

11 straight bags victories…I didn’t think this was possible, considering the fact that my teammate was my brother who was playing bags for the first time in his life.  I realize I never lose at this game, but I didn’t realize I was that good and my bro’s a natural he’s got my blood, which makes him good and thankfully that blood keeps aids away.

random skyler dude…I was still hammered from the night before when I went to graduation.  So, we had to sit alphabetically and this guy was in for a ride, I didn’t stop talking through the entire graduation.  I had him laughing a lot, but honestly my jokes cant stay that funny for that long.  He’s got a band and he invited me to see him play when he’s in MN this summer.  I admire him, he’s got no goals in life, except to become a rock star, I hope he succeeds.

still drunk…haha this one made me laugh, because it was probably so true

water fountain story…oh this one made me angry.  I was obviously extremely dehydrated from drinking the night before, so my throat was dryer, than my body after using a towl after getting out of the shower (I tried to think of the gayest analogy alive, and that’s all I could come up with, I wish I was drunk I know I could do better).  Back to story.  So, my throat was dry and I craved water.  Someone told me there was a drinking fountain around the corner.  So, when I got there, I bent down and pressed the button and the fucking thing was turned off. I honestly thought about beating the hell out of it, but realized there were way too many parents around, since when has this stopped me before though, hell I dumped over a church’s hot chocolate stand on the way to an Iowa football game, parents were angry at me and one wanted to fight me, I would have kicked his ass, he was religous and had morals, I don’t (I love run on sentences, I’m going to use them more now).  Back to story, it was a Fucking Crisis, my throat felt like it was bleeding by the time graduation was over. 

wanting to do something stupid during speech…Hindsight, kinda happy I didn’t.  My parents would have been ashamed and I would have felt bad.  It’s okay to make a fool of myself, but my family did nothing wrong they shouldn’t suffer for having to deal with me.

actually getting nervous for once…Trust me, this doesn’t happen, I can handle any situation.  I’ve talked to parents about blowjobs, nothing is awkward to me.  But, for some reason when I stood up and walked on the stage, my heart was racing (at least I know I have one now). 

unbelievable food at after festivies…We went to Hy-Vee and got my favorite Mexican Bean Dip, it’s probably the best food god could have created.  They should serve this shit at communion with a margarita as the blood of christ, so many more people would go to church then.  I should have my own reality show, I would do some of the sweetest shit ever.

wearing outfit to party…Oh, I wore my Gown to the grad party.  Every person commented on it, like it was something new, that I was wearing a random outfit for no particular purpose that no one else was wearing.  Seriously, people just needed to stop worrying about that.

so many hot girls i’ve never even seen in the business building…Yeah, what the fuck?  I was in there 24-7, wait no I wasn’t, I rarely studied, cramming the way to go.  Maybe, that’s why I never saw them and there82 not smart enough to be an accountant.  (Haha, I sounded like a stuck up prick right there, like all the accountants I’ve had to deal with over the years and I’m not.  ’And for that I apologize’).

last night, PussyDabbler getting kicked out…me and him getting way too drunk…PussyDabbler got spit on and didn’t even want to fight someone…i bought JackBauer’sGirl’s family drinks, it was awesome…PussyDabbler has to be blacked out to walk away from a fight, this just doesn’t happen Period  Wait that doesn’t make sense, he loves fights when he’s blacked out.  Hmm, I can’t explain this.  I was outta my mind obviously but one part that stuck out from that night, was JackBauer’sGirl’s family ready to leave.  So, I bought them all beers and then they were forced to stick around, haha, smart bastard is me.

Side Note 82: When re-posting this I noticed how big of a dumbass I am.  I’m clearly trying to insult a bunch of hot girls that I went to school with, but in doing so I couldn’t even use the correct there.  It’s they’re admin.

This article originally appeared May 13, 2006.

Within the past week one of my hardcore fantasy leagues has just raised its posting to an absolutely bafflingly (not a word, I know) fun level.  Basically, we all spend every waining second of work on this website.  Here’s a good little sample of just one thread from the website during last Friday morning.

ShitFinger:
I just want you guys to know that I check the forum now about every 12 minutes of everyday. While I wish that everyone would post things, you know, like whats on their mind, what they did the night before, who they’re sleeping with…things of that nature, I compeletely understand that you guys are busy and dont have time for me, but lets give it a try

AllSunCurrent:
ShitFinger, i believe this is a great idea. so, i’ll get the ball rolling. i am thinking that i can’t wait to get out of here at about 330 and head to the bar and find out whats in store for me the rest of the night, who knows, if i’m lucky i might even find someone to sleep with me tonight. last night i watched the office, which was a pretty good episode, i actually felt bad for dwight there for a minute, and then he came back to and did his little ruler trick and everything was back to normal in that creepy little beet world that he lives in. last night i slept with my girlfriend but the animal porn we were watching on the computer made things a little different. don’t judge, everyone needs variety.there’s a snowball someone else start packing some snow on there…

AllSunCurrent - I thought I was the only one into animal porn. Really like that snowball reference, might use it sometime.