Archive for August, 2007

I can’t get enough of this song.  The following are the lyrics and the music video.  I love that the music video is like a soft core porn.  And why isn’t JT ever featured with black chicks?  And its about fucking time these two created a song.  I can’t wait until one day Eminem and JT make a song, it’s gonna be sick.  Especially since Eminem has multiple songs insulting JT, please put the old beef behind you guys, and make my dream song come true.

Basically it was just something to put up for the day while I’m busy moving my sister into her freshman year dormroom at Madison.  I couldn’t be more jealous of her.  She has 4 years of college ahead of her, while I can only dream and reminisce of those crazy times I had.

http://www.lyrics.com/lyric.php?id=38741

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na4×2Uwflmg

I’ve added a new website to my blogroll shown on the right on my website.  Hojoke and I go back to our college years at The University of Iowa.  I’ve been kicking his ass for years at fantasy sports and he’s been teaching me how to wager on sports.  I used to bet like every other clown in the world on Minnesota teams and teams I generally liked.  I was one of the millions of people that provide sports books with free money.  Hojoke taught me about the contrarian wagering method, which essentially means you bet on the team that has in your mind no fucking chance to cover the spread.  He details his methods and gives a decent analysis of his betting ways while using his sarcastic humor.  More than anything it’s just a website to prove to the world it is possible to win at sports wagering.  I will be betting many of the same bets as him this year and can’t wait until the season begins this Thursday.

http://www.forgetwallstreet.com/

Here’s my favorite little blog/chart of his…

Version4.0, myself and many of my friends are a bit too addicted to this show.  So, a few weeks back was the season premiere and these were the texts we sent back and forth followed by lots of thoughts from tonights episode.

Version4.0…Light yellow…Ewe…9:31 p.m. 8/13/07
Me…Wow just had that conversation.  Touche bro…9:33 p.m.
-Yeah, there is no f-ing way I’m ever letting my wife paint the walls of my home yellow.  Get the fuck out of Dodge.

V4.0…That wall looked so stupid…9:34 p.m. 8/13/07
Me…Baller mural.  Love that she hates it….9:35 p.m.
-Don’t know why I put it that way.  I actually didn’t mean that the mural was baller, I meant the move to piss off the fiance was baller.

V4.0…Get a fucking hair cut…9:37
Me…We can agree on this.  That guys a troll…9:37 p.m.
-Justin Bobby (his name is Justin but his friends call him Bobby) is a character.  Now three episodes into the season I can officially say that guy is quite the player and it can be attributed completely to his game.  He’s extremely smooth with Audrina.  But, he has no sense of style and in my opinion is an unattractive dude.  I’m pretty sure he was wearing a skirt and combat boots in tonight’s episode.

V4.0…Lauren is all about the stare downs…9:38 p.m.
Me…And foreigners.  I got a shot…9:40 p.m.
-In episode 1 Lauren made out with a random foreign guy.  I think she likes to drink now, she’s always talking about having a glass of wine and attending bars on a more regular basis now that she’s boyfriend less.

KBex…Only after the Hills! jk sure when u want to meet?…9:42 p.m. 8/13/07
-Don’t J/K the hills, that shits legit.  She was saying she would meet us at the bar after the Hills.  I was clearly suggesting to meet there after the show, there was no way I’d miss the premiere. 

Me…Loving brody right now…9:46 p.m.
V4.0…He’s savin this show…9:46 p.m.
-So far through this season he’s the only consistent form of entertainment.  But, what a pussy he got his finger checked out after breaking it and got a cast put on it.  Get serious. 

V4.0…2 minutes in the store and he drops 100K…9:49 p.m.
Me…At least he didnt even ask the price.  Great use of US Weekly knowledge on that one..9:52 p.m.
-We read too much US Weekly, we both knew the price of the ring already, slightly pathetic.

V4.0…Love that jason is on his way back…10:00 p.m.
-It’s weird, I hate that guy, but I agree that it’s good to have him back in the show.  It’s just additional drama.

Boobies…Ooo i love it…10:01 p.m.
-I was quite satisfied with the premiere and thought the second episode was much better than the first.

Nothing to do with the show…But I was looking at my next message I kept in my outbox and it made me laugh.
Me…I cant even stand my own brand.  This is the worst poop ever.
-Bad night of drinking, hate those poops.

As for other thoughts from this season so far. 
The Guys - Those were baller arcade games that Spencer bought for his new place.  And, I couldn’t get enough of the final scene from last week.  Spencer was so infuriated with Heidi for ruining his wall, he looked like he was about to cry.  When Brody got mad at Spencer tonight I was mcLovin it.  It’s pretty much how I feel with friends when they get too attached to there significant others (not to mention any names or anything, PussyDabbler) and forget that they still have guy friends.  Which reminds me are AllAmerican and I the only ones who’ve noticed Brody’s new best friends are the two guys, Nick & Frankie from TwentyFourSeven (the failed MTV reality show).  I hope they have larger roles in this show from now on as I’m still disappointed TwentyFourSeven went off the air.  But what the hell did Frankie have on his head? Some girl explain to me what that was.  Spencer looked so out of place on the farm and how can he ask a girl to marry him before even meeting her parents.  I love how the ‘Brody Jenner game’ is already back and quite evident in tonight’s show.  He clearly used his injury/cast to try to flirt up Lauren (a.k.a. get back in her pants) and it was working.

The Girls - Lauren and I are similar for once, we both stay friends with our exes.  I love how during tonights episode Heidi said she talks to her mom everyday and tells her everything and yet she hasn’t even told her she’s engaged.  Kind of a big deal to keep from your mom.  Heidi’s mom almost got hit by the car when they first pulled up, I really wish that would have happened.  And you can so tell that Heidi’s entire family does not approve of big Spencer.   They couldn’t come up with anything good to say about him outside of nice and polite, can’t get any more generic.  Whitney has taken on an even smaller role this season than in the past (which I didn’t think was even possible).  While Lo has taken on a bigger role, which I don’t like at all, she’s not as attractive as the rest of the girls and extremely boring.  Audrina is walking a fine line of following in Heidi’s footsteps by fucking up her relationship with LC due to a boyfriend.  Justin Bobby just left her at the party and left her helmet there (which lead to Lauren’s most scripted joke ever “life’s tough, get a helmet”)  and she’s still going to let her back into her life.  Audrina’s an idiot, you let him stomp on your heart in vegas and get away with it, clearly he’s not going to change and because he knows you will keep coming back to him.

The previews for next time were awesome.  Spencer getting angry that Brody and LC are hanging out leading to another Brody one liner, “Spencer broke up with me.”  And damnet they keep teasing me about the impending drama.  I’m impatiently waiting for all this controversy to start up regarding who spilt what to the tabloids, it will create serious drama. 

I had a fantasy football keeper draft last night, so I didn’t have time to start the reality week.  It will go tuesday through friday this week instead.  But, here’s another group of text messages. 

Zippies…That sux.  But its no double goat.  5/31/07 11:18 p.m.
KennyMac..At least it wasn’t the goat. 6/1/07 12:03 a.m.
PussyDabbler..Haha.  Laughed out loud when i got ur text! 6/1/07 9:48 a.m.
-I got batwinged by AllAmerican and had to tell my fellow Waiting fan.  You will only get this reference if you’ve seen Ryan Reynolds’ Waiting.  A great flick where they implement a game where you show your balls to your friends and if they look you get to kick them in the ass.

EvilFather…Yeah…touche…unless they were REALLY drunk. B/c he’s missing several teeth!!…5/31/07 11:24 p.m.
-No idea what this is in response to.  My best guess is that we had a cab driver with missing teeth.

EvilFather..Wow. Just did tequila shots with the neighbors…this is going to be a great night, i can feel it. 6/1/07 5:19 p.m.
-Yum, tequila

BigJohnson…Wanna buy a dutch hooker with me?…6/1/07 11:31 p.m.
-I’d never received a text from him so I was extremely caught off guard by this one.  Especially figuring I’m pretty sure he meant danish instead of dutch.

Boobies…Hi mikel…6/2/07 11:17 a.m.
-perhaps my favorite nickname

Boobies…Friend? Love booze.  6/2/07 2:29 p.m.
-great line, I love booze

Boobies…Thanks for the nice message dick…6/3/07 9:00 p.m.
-I remember leaving an extremely insulting message because she was adapting Fritzagizard’s telephone tendencies, which is he worst thing anyone can do.

TwinKidMan…Bowling bitches and beer what you say…6/5/07 6:41 p.m.
-a perfect combo as long as the bitches don’t do much talking

Megs…Did you finally recover from the weekend today…6/6/07 3:30 p.m.
-It’s Wednesday, come on, that means the next weekend has already begun.

MiniMiz…Kermit doesn’t lie…warner’s band is sick..6/7/07 10:38 p.m.

PussyDabbler..Lets all play together and use each other as assets. 6/7/07 11:52 p.m.
-I have no idea what that means but I enjoyed it.

Kermit..Ride to cabin plz…6/8/07
-what, chuck gangsta

EvilFather…Is sue boobies?…7:41 p.m. 6/11/07
EvilFather…Does Andrea have a name?…7:48 p.m. 6/11/07
-the texts look ridiculous, but it was for her guest articles

D…Omg…I just woke up…that has to be one of the most messed up experiences of my life! lol…1:20 p.m. 6/13/07
-D got high for the first time…it was hysterical

EvilFather…So, I keep hearing these bomb songs when my iPod is on shuffle, and every time I look at what it is its one of the songs u downloaded.  They are BOMB…4:35 p.m. 6/14/07
-what can I say, I’m damn good at spotting good music and more importantly bringing the danish awesomeness back to the states

Version4.0…wanna hear something baller as fuck.  Going to see harry potter tonight.  holla. midnight showing.  Yeah thats right…7:45 p.m. 7/12/07
-really? baller?

Version4.0…Well see who’s pathetic when i’m in a dream world of magic…7:51 p.m. 7/12/07
-that one made me laugh

KrautyMcKrautFace…My bartender is the hottest tall girl i’ve ever seen.  Yes im drinking alone….7:02 p.m. 7/13/07

Version4.0…My gay week continues! At tim Mcgraw…9:02 p.m. 7/13/07
-honestly, what happened to my friend?

HeatherJo…If you don’t want to see me you can just say that…2:18 a.m. 7/14/07
-what? It’s my birthday, clearly whatever I said to you doesn’t apply

You will not believe the frustration that is built up inside me.  I just finished writing and then re-writing an article, only to see an error message pop up in my internet explorer window both times78.  So, now writing this for a third time, I’m currently first typing it into Microsoft word.  Fuck the internet today.

Thankfully most of this article is written by All American.  The following is a classic rant.

I tried to post this on your site this morning but it wouldnt let me do it, pretty upsetting since I spent a lot of time on it.

WOW, it is now Friday the 24th of August and unless my computer refuses to update this site or I am mistaken the last article came out 11 days ago, ELEVEN FUCKING DAYS!?  I mean look at the article from August 8th, you were ranting about no response from your readers and now we don’t have anything to reply to!!!  I know you’re not that busy Mikey.  I have checked the site each day when I got to work at 8 (while you’re still in a deep slumber) and nothing.  It’s like when I was 8 and my dad said he had surprise for me in the garage and I was all pumped bc I had been eyeing this Huffy at Target for weeks, only to get out there and I see a pop can crusher screwed to the wall with 2 full bags of cans and he says to me, “this way you can help me pay for that bike, so get to work.” So I got my 8 year old scrawny ass to work and knocked out both bags, I felt like a migrant worker. The next day we went to the recycling plant to weigh the cans and get me some caaiiish, I was pretty excited to see the total……………….the anticipation was killing me……………$6.47…………………………….are you fucking serious?! I just worked that hard, I have been soaked in grape crush, diet pepsi and pabst blue ribbon for the last 14 hours and this is what I get.

As you can tell Admin (if that is still your role on this site) I was a little upset, and that is comparable to the feeling in my stomach when I get to work in the morning.  So, I sit at my desk screaming obsenities at the computer.  I know for a fact sir that you have time, on Wednesday you didn’t do a thing but wake up at 12:30 and play Madden ‘08 (awesome by the way). You’re telling me you didnt have time to even put up 4 or 5 links, 3 of which a majority of people will hate, but at least it lets us know that you’re here for you’re dedicated viewers. Good day sir.

and you may be asking if I got that bike, and the answer is yes. A metallic blue Huffy mountain bike that made all other bikes look inferior, but I sure as hell didn’t use that money, I rode my bike up to holiday with aaron spychalla and got 2 charleston chews, mambas and orange gatorade in a glass bottle. I was irate that day and consequently I’m pretty sure I started swearing like a whore turning tricks that summer.
also, that bike got stolen the next summer at dakota hills pool, got probably did it because I was so bitter the previous summer

I loved this story AllAmerican.  I couldn’t agree more that it is sad that it has been eleven days since I updated the site.  But, similar to you I’ve been working like a migrant worker during the days and drinking with no regard to my liver at night.  Allowing myself no time to write stories.  But, you couldn’t be more right about that Wednesday, I had tons of time.  I wasted that time being lost in a Madden Coma.  There should be a holiday day where every man gets a day off and every woman works the day the new Madden comes out each year.  As for the links, I thought no one liked those but I could easily continue to provide those.  I just thought people preferred to re-read a good story written by me, versus using effort to go click on and read the other stories.  So, due to AA’s pleading, the links are coming back.  And for my site, next week’s going to be great, I’m creating an all reality T.V. review week.  The first four days will include the shows The Hills, Real World, Newport Harbor and Sunset Tan.  The fifth day is up in the air between Scott Baio is 45 and Single and The Pickup Artist (both very scripted reality shows).  Let me know, which one I should discuss?  In closing, sorry about my laziness, there’s no excuse for 2 articles (1 guest writer) over a 2 week span.  In second closing, fuck the internet for making write this for the THIRD fucking time.

Side Note 78: This is the error message.  I’ve never seen it before.  What the fuck?  What does that mean?  Honestly, does anyone know why this happened?