Archive for June 1st, 2007

This story was sent to me by a good buddy of mine Fucks1’sOr10’s. He’s about the only person I know who has as ridiculous stories as me. I absolutely loved this one.

I got one for ya hear

So Friday night go out in downtown huntington beach very standard bars know my crew there we usually do it up and actually are just laughed at most of the time. Anyway I black out real bad that night and from what Im told went to bed around 4:30. My buddy wakes me up at 7:00 saturday morning on my family room floor puke on my shirt no pants. He wakes me up by pouring weed honey on my face, and informs me I am going to vegas in 10 min. After he pulls me up and puts a bathing suit on me we go over to my buddies apartment (10feet away) to find him in bed still with some chick. They throw a football helmet on me and take my clothes off and my naked ass with only a helmet on jumps into bed with this naked chick he just got done banging (my first of many rejections in the next 24 hours). After getting on the road at about 8 we take the 4 hour drive to vegas, drinking of course.

After getting there and driving around for about 2 hours trying to figure out where we were going to stay we meet up with some people at “Tahiti Village” a nice hotel off the strip a little. After having about 15 more beers in the “family” pool still only helmet and suit on a bachlertte party starts flashing our crew at the pool from their balcony. Thought it was a good idea to find their room and try to bang all of them (did not happen at all as moms were in there and they actually asked if I was old enought to be drinking (helmet still on)). It was at this time in the evening that I had my heart set on getting married to any female that would that night.

We take off for the strip about 6 and after singing and dancing with the second drunkest man alive for about 2 hours I find it is time to try my had at some poker, but first was almost kicked out first for not taking my helmet off at the poker table and second for trying to use it as a card protector. After about 2 hours I am up 900 but have had about 6 more beers in four hands I loose everything I had made and brought to the table. Go right to roullette 200 on black win put another hundred on black loose. Go to cash out and what would you know one of the only times all night my helmet is not on a black dude comes up and smokes me in the face (swear to god I dont think I did anything wrong) my friends finally locate me as they have been calling for 3 hours now and was to drunk to know.

I am still on my quest to get married so every female i pass is proposed to. At about 2 and possably 3 redbull vodkas later I find a nice young black woman who agrees. We are walking and going to the chapel with 2 of my buddies and her “friend” and I suggest we shoud fuck first just to make sure our new found love would last. She surprinsingly agrees after looking for a while for a place to fuck she lets me know i have wasted to much time and leaves. My drunk ass had no clue but the buddies knew the whole time she was just some trick that thought we were fucking once she knew i actually wanted to get married she left. After more drinks and getting ready to fight some more guys battling each other on the street I hop in a car stopped at a red light, with a smokin girl (to my surprise she is not “too” alarmed that I am in there with her but again turns my proposal down and drops me off at a corner about a mile away from my friends. Finally meet back up with my friends after some drinks with the locals and make it back to Tahiti Village, where I begin puking and get kicked out of the hotel. With no ones phones working and not knowing which is our room and no key we fall asleep in the parking lot after a while a dude lets us in and we sleep on the 6th floor that is all we knew (my buddy slept in the elevator until a group woke him up) finally met up with the rest of the crew at 5. Woke up at 8 and started home. Stopped at Whiskey Petes a casino 40 miles away on the way home and proceed to lose $280 in 25 minutes.

Life is good

Oh yeah and I fucked a 300 pound black woman on paddy’s day (swear to god she was that big)