I sat down to finally write an article and start summarizing some stories from the past couple weeks when I realized I don’t remember a fucking thing.  Thankfully, EvilFather came up with this great idea to help us remember.  So, for the next four to five days, I’m going to let my drunken quotes do the talking and EvilFather do the writing.

Grand ol’ Days
The boys (Meekail, Fritzagizard, PussyDabbler, AllAmerican, & Kermit)  all started drinking really early that morning (about 11) am, and were just hanging out in all their ugliness.  (Seriously, we know none of you had showered, shaved or probably even wiped.)  Meekail hadn’t brushed his teeth in at least a month.  They all smelled like ass, and were walking around the apt in boxers with a buzz on just burping, drinking, and taking shots. 

Fritzagizard to Meekail: “You come from a fucking family of Stallins”

Playing catch phrase:
Meekail is given the phrase “Penny Lane”.  After we manage to guess “lane” correctly…
Meekail:  “First word is a coin less than a nickel”
Kermit: “Quarter lane”
Meekail: “LESS than a nickel”
Kermit: “Dime lane?”

AllAmerican: “Blank 85”
Fritzagizard: “Helium”

PussyDabbler standing in the bathroom all by himself (thankfully), finishes peeing then says out loud to himself…“Great success”

On the way to Grand ol’ Days, the cabbie puts on a CD.  It is playing number 15…
AllAmerican: “Track 15?  What are we listening to?”
Cabbie: “Old school innocent love jams.  This is the love cab.”

EvilFather: “You say potato, I say vodka”

AllAmerican: “I haven’t been sober since Tuesday”.
Meekail:  “LOVE beef”

Trent (don’t know this guy but it was worth noting): “I guess apparently I’m hung like a light switch…”

When we see a transvestite walking into the gas station…
PussyDabbler: “What the fuck!? We saw that earlier!?”

As Meekail, Boobies, PussyDabbler, AllAmerican and myself are lost amidst a swarm of people in Billy’s, Fritzagizard texts to Boobies from some random place on Grand Ave: “Come see me”.

I sat down to finally write an article and start summarizing some stories from the past couple weeks when I realized I don’t remember a fucking thing.  Thankfully, EvilFather came up with this great idea to help us remember.  So, for the next four to five days, I’m going to let my drunken quotes do the talking and EvilFather do the writing. 

Catch Phrase
At 11 pm on a Friday night, Meekail, Boobies, and I are playing catch phrase for lack of anything better to do…each of us were supposedly only slightly tipsy…

Boobies: “It’s two words…like a creepy kind of old soap opera kind of”
Meekail: “Tales of the Crypt”
EvilFather:  “That’s 3 words dumb ass”

Note…
Earlier that same day, I had been on the phone with my grandma.  She was trying to get me to come sing at her church.  I told her, “Grandma, I’ll think about it, but there are two problems with that.  1- I’d have to get up early, and 2- I’d have to go to church.”  To this my grandma replies, “Well you didn’t get all your good graces from the devil.  Maybe it wouldn’t hurt you to go to church every once in a while.”  I had found this lecture quite entertaining, and had put it on speaker phone so Meekail could listen in, and at this point he was like, “Take that shit off speaker phone.  I’m not trying to hear that…”

So continuing our game…
I had gotten the word “flock”
EvilFather: “Ok, this is from the bible ‘As Shepards watched their ______’s by night”
Meekail: “Don’t passage me”

Meekail: “Tom is this…”
Boobies: “Douche bag”

EvilFather: “Ok, this is a type of church…”
Boobies: “Umm, yeah.  Church references are lost on me.”
Meekail: “Evils, again, with the Bible words, it’s not gonna happen.  Save that stuff for your grandma.”

Meekail  is given the word Goat Cheese…
Meekail: “This has holes in it, and fucks sheeps”
Boobies: “Swiss”…”The Swiss!”
Meekail: “The Swiss fuck sheeps?  Really?” (sarcastically)
Boobies: “Well if you would’ve gotten pig right…” (Not sure wtf that was supposed to mean…
 *Buzzer*
Meekail: “Goats!”
EvilFather: “Goats don’t fuck sheeps!”
Meekail (just completely baffled): “Goat’s don’t fuck sheeps?!?  But the Swiss fuck sheeps???!!  NO!  Goats!!!”

Boobies: “Meekail is this”
EvilFather & Meekail in unison: “Douche bag”

Boobies: “Fritzagizard always has this in his belly button”
EvilFather & Meekail: “Lint”
(This was the right answer btw)

Boobies: “You eat a whole one of these”
Meekail: “Bowl of guacamole”

I sat down to finally write an article and start summarizing some stories from the past couple weeks when I realized I don’t remember a fucking thing.  Thankfully, EvilFather came up with this great idea to help us remember.  So, for the next four to five days, I’m going to let my drunken quotes do the talking and EvilFather do the writing. 

Star Party
Meekail gets the glorious idea that we should get a bunch of people and go to star party…nobody was sucker enough to follow through but me, so it turned out to be just me and good ol’ Admin…and I was the one who got cut off from drinking.  How does THAT work?

This conversation takes place at 5:04 pm…
Meekail: “Where did you hide your sandwich?”
EvilFather: “In the drawer”
Meekail: “The one with the lettuce?”
EvilFather: “What? No! Meekail, what are you talking about?  Where are your bandaids?”
Meekail: “In the left drawer in my room… Where did you hide the sandwhich?”
EvilFather:  “I said in the drawer!”
Meekail: “Which drawer!?”
EvilFather:  “The one with the lettuce!”

6:03 pm
EvilFather: “When I was in the hospital, I used to confiscate stuff in ALL the time…”
Meekail: “Are you drunk?”

6:10 pm
Meekail: “You are seriously handicapped”
EvilFather: “So, you realize we both have no chance of getting any action tonight.  No boys will talk to me because they’ll think I’m with you.”
Meekail: “And no girls will talk to me bc they’ll think that I’m with you.”
EvilFather:  “Exactly…We’re fucking each other, except we’re not fucking each other.”

Graduation
At TwinKidMan’s graduation party…

- TwinKidMan gave his little brother…we’ll call him Destined2BTKM “the talk”.  Yeah, that’s right.  Twin-Kid-Man himself decides to talk to somebody about safe sex. So, TwinKidMan was raging drunk (as was Destined2BTKM ) and pulled Destined2BTKM aside to talk.  In a very serious and infuriated manor, he proceeded to tell Destined2BTKM how he should not be having sex, and how if he is, he needs to always “wrap his tool”.  This was so urgent that we had to wait around an extra 20 mins after we were all ready to go so TwinKidMan could tell him.  The convo was almost as funny as Fritzagizard’s reaction to it.  Fritzagizard just sat with a puzzled look the whole time looking back and forth between us and TwinKidMan, going, “Really?”

After taking a shot of jag, Milf ravenously shoves some food into her mouth and says:
Milf: “I just took a shot, and I didn’t like the taste… so I had to eat some beef.”

Fritzagizard: “Allie, you look HOT tonight… Could be the alcohol, but I THINK you really look good…”