Archive for March 8th, 2007

Psycho chick…Here’s a text log between EvilFather and myself to help preface this evening.

Evils: You me and AllAmerican should go out…I am taking her home - you are NOT going to believe this - this is the most unreal thing that has ever happened to me in my life.

Me: what happened?

Evils: Umm she said she was going to get a diet coke, and called 20 minutes later and asked me to come find her, and I found her laying on the floor of the Excel Center, no longer knows her own name, and is clearly high on god knows what…are we kidding right now?

Me: impressive, so what are you gonna do with her?

Evils: Ignore her until I’m done watching this tourney then bring her home and let her mom deal with her…so was not expecting that, AT ALL. Who does that?

Evils: I never knew she was riding dirty! If I knew she was a druggie I would have never hung out with her!!!!

Me: what did she take and had she said she was clean? (me knowing she had been in a treatment center before)

Evils: She won’t tell me what she took, she said she didn’t drink anything, then she said she had one pull of vodka, then she said she didn’t drink anything again…and she doesn’t know her own name and can’t form syllables

Me: interesting, let’s take her to a bar just for AllAmerican’s and my entertainment

Evils: Umm, seriously?

Me: Absolutely

Evils: We could take her to your house for your entertainment, but she’s not 21

Me: Deal

I drove home like a bat out of hell, I was so excited for what lied ahead.  When I first walked into the apartment, she was simultaneously falling out the door of our patio into the blinds and ripping them down.  She proceeded to flirt with anything that breathed (Me, AllAmerican, Fritzagizard and even small dog).  Within the night she told all 3 of us guys how beautiful we were, how much she loved us and how she would fuck around with us, nothing like a class whore.  After about 10 minutes of me getting there and being thoroughly entertained she passed out in the middle of the living room.  The best way to describe her passout position was that she was sitting indian style and then laying her body completely flat on top of her indian style legs.  Highly uncomfortable and impossible for a man.  She slept like this for 2 and a half hours, until we decided we needed a little more entertainment.

So, naturally we fucked with her as much as humanly possible.  We were using our new game Lucky as an excuse to peg her with quarters.  I jacked her in the head and it made a sweat ping sound similar to when you hit a perfect drive in golf.  We layed a snowball on her exposed chest while she was passed out.  Some of the ice probably melted, which to her cracked out ass made her brain think that the snowball was vibrating like a phone.  Because she picked it up and put it up to her ear and started talking into it.  Every single time she walked out onto the patio (to do god knows what drugs), she would bite it horribly.  Lastly, Fritzagizard was proven to be the far inferior player at Lucky.  Through two days of this game he has yet to crack the top 2 out of our 3 person game in our 10 matches.