Archive for August 5th, 2006

The last two nights were complete drunkeness.  Went to Allery’s, this cop bar both nights, kinda go there all the time.  Thursday, MiniMiz and I blacked out.  MiniMiz woke up the next morning and asked me what we did.  I told him we went to the bar and he was dead serious when he said he didn’t remember going to the bar.  We got to work like 3 hours late because we both couldn’t move when the alarm was trying to wake us at 8:30.  Two hours into work MiniMiz hadn’t accomplished anything and asked me to drive him home because he felt sick.  I’ve never seen him in worse shape35.  That night we drank a 1.75L of vodka and a case of beer within 2 hours.  Thankfully, two girls helped us with the bottle36.  Geebsie also pulled a TeddyBear, my danish friend and told me can no longer keep up with me drinking.  Haha, that same night I beat MiniMiz in arm wrestling he wasn’t happy about it.  For those keeping score Mikey 2 MiniMiz 0.  Random story a friend told me from the weekend, he had some girls over and he was peeing with the door open and then this girl walks by sees his penis and then when he’s done she asks to touch it.  He said he was drunk, so naturally he let her, and it was so random because she just grasped it once and then was done.  Personally, I find that story hilarious. 

Oh, so Tuesday this girl I know drives up 2+ hours to see me for the day and hang out.  So, I take the day off work, buy her lunch (oooh Don Pablos) and pay for the movie (You, Me & Dupree, solid movie).  Then we go back to my place make out a little and then she’s like I don’t wanna do anything more.   As my friends would say I paid for the pussy and she locked it up and threw away the key.  So, naturally I give the line, I didn’t expect to do anything more.  Haha, yeah right, but the line didn’t work.  Here’s the part that kills me, we’ve messed around before.  Fucking some girl explain what the hell she was thinking37. 

Thursday above.  Friday, went to Allery’s.  Was so drunk I talked to the owner38 for like 15 minutes.  Tried to barter furniture or explain how much business I can provide as a drunk with friends who are drunks.  He wasn’t feeling me at all, but he told me I was a natural salesman, that one line stuck and it made me feel proud.  But, I still didn’t fucking close him…fucking Giovanni Ribissi from Boiler Room would have been disappointed in me.  Then, turns out Marcus Robinson, wide out for the Vikings was at my bar.  Talked to him for a while, basically just asked him lots of questions about Randy Moss, geez I wonder if I’m still bitter we traded the best athlete in the history of our franchise for nothing.  He told me in all his years in the league no one compares to him, basically telling me everything I expected to hear, it made me more angry.  I ended my anger by taking tequila shots and somehow it only resulted in a $40 tab at the end of the night, not bad.

Side Note 35: Watching the Twins and we’re up 14-3.  Three observations I’ve made in watching every game for like 3 weeks.  We have 6 regulars who could bat over .300, that is ridiculous.  The only problem with that is most have A-Rod syndrome a.k.a. good stats, not clutch and hit into way too many double plays.  Also, we need to call up the rookie Matt Garza to start, we need a fifth starter a.s.a.p., we are giving away one out of five games a week, that’s not smart coaching.  One cool thing though is this young reliever Pat Neshek, he’s nasty and he throws side arm, it’s really entertaining to watch him pitch.  Teams should be required to carry one side arm pitcher on their roster just for the entertainment value for fans.

Side Note 36: This video was in Bill Simmons’ most recent mailbag and it made me laugh out loud so I had to let others see this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAossI0MTic 

Side Note 37: This girl is far and away the dumbest girl I’ve ever met, I know more educated and street smart people in middle school.  Maybe, that somehow explains her actions.  She called this weekend, I didn’t answer and I never plan on calling her again.

Side Note 38: The owner was the fattest person I have ever carried on a conversation with in my entire life.  No joke, I bet he weighs around 400 pounds.  To cap it off, he was eating this pasta dish that could have fucking fed a family.  This guy blew me away and not in a good way.  In a couple Big Macs away from fucking dieing type of way.  Seriously, how does one allow their body to get that big, I would fucking punch myself in the face if I looked like that.