Archive for the 'The Hills' Category

I’m caught up to date on The Hills except for last night’s episode.  Nothing too special has really happened in the episodes.  Except, I loved how worried LC and Schmo were when Brody and Doug went to casino jail.  And, I was surprisingly glad to see Audrina and LC worked out their differences.  Since I didn’t watch last night’s episode, I might as well still provide some Hills content.  A new reader107 sent me an e-mail with all of the salaries from the show that were finally released.

And you people bash Spencer?  The man has parlayed his fake assholeness into $1.25 million per season.  That’s fucking impressive, if you ask me.  He gets almost as much as LC and it’s her show.

Side Note 107: Honestly, how the hell did I acquire even one new reader with my piss poor performace over the past few months?

Going into this episode my expectations were pretty low as most season premiere’s just touch on all the stuff the tabloids cover.  Thankfully, this episode was much more than that and quite entertaining.  Here’s my standard follow along blog.

1) D texted me, “LC’s dress (from the live interview)…ew…she doesn’t have the boobs for it.”  Um, I completely disagree any cleavage is good cleavage. 

2) Scripted conversation between LC and Whitney.  Standard stuff to catch us up on what’s going on.  I agree with Whitney Doug is kind of a lame name.

3) They follow the show’s theme song up with my favorite chick song right now.  Pussycat Doll’s…When I grow up.

4) Heidi’s fake work friend got uglier and I didn’t think she was halfway attractive in the first place.

5) Audrina’s first comment about Schmo of the season, “Lo is always super bitchy, that’s just how she is.”  Love that that is her first line, hope drama unfolds there, it no doubt should.

6) Spencer is sitting there playing vids.  Get out of here with that, I would work you son.  Yes, that was a CT line for those die hard MTV fans.

7) That’s a weak reason to pout Spencer, it’s just her sister.  And what does Heidi’s sister’s tat on her inner wrist say?

So, Schmo and Audrina are openly disliking each other this season.  That’s a different twist, but one I definately like, it can only end badly.

9) Red Pearl Kitchen…you can thank The Hills for that free advertising. 

10) LC, “I think your drink says a lot about you.  Beer says you’re a guys guy.”  What does jack and coke say I am LC?  And LC ordered a Fuzzy Dragon?  That sounds delicious, but I think that says to me, that you don’t trim your bush. 

11) Doug just asked who Audrina is.  Get serious Dougy, you have clearly watched the show before or season her in the tabloids with LC.

12) Back to back amazing previews.  Real excited for Making the Band to come back tomorrow.  The crop of summer shows had been horrible.  I had been delegated to watching I Love Money (which is fantastic actually) and Million Dollar Listing.  Now I’ve got The Hills, Making the Band and Sunset Tan all returning.  Not to mention the next preview and a new show I’m quite excited for, the new version of Beverly Hills, “90210″ featuring Eden.

13) Jesus Christ, these commercials just won’t stop.  What is the run time on this episode?  12 minutes?  Just rewinded my TiVo to see if I was overreacting.  No joke 8 minutes of the Hills playtime followed by 9 minutes of advertising.  That is pathetic, especially for a season premiere. 

14) Spencer is hilarious.  He is intentionally over the top Spencer haters, everything he does is intentional and thought out, stop taking him seriously.

15) Whoa Whoa.  How are Doug and Frankie already friends? Did anyone else catch that they went to Audrina’s party together and without Brody.

16) All of Audrina’s crazy friends are showing up to the party.  Over/Under on S.T.D.’s at that party I’m setting at 14.5.  No joke, I’d take the over, there are so many dirtballs.

17) Schmo is bitching in the kitchen.  “We are just gonna have to enjoy the company that comes.”  Thank you, captain obvious.  And finally Lauren gives her a frustrated look.

18) Heidi, “I don’t always want my family in my relationship like that.”  Honestly shut up.  You are on a reality show about your relationship, of course you want everyone to know.  You and Spencer go out in public begging people to give you attention (which I’m not mocking, it’s impressive how much attention you get).

19) SCHMO SUCKS.

20) Speaking of Schmo sucking, BooYaKaShaw just texted me his best analysis to date of this show, “Smiegel thinks that Audrina is taking her precious.”  Hilarious.

21) Heidi’s sister looks a lot hotter in the live interview. 

22) 6 minutes of run time there and only 2 minutes of commercials, much better.  For those with poor math skills, that’s 14 minutes of the show and 11 minutes of advertising.  Still a horrible rate.

23) Heidi’s sister leaves and before leaving casually asks to move in.  Haha, that’s gonna irk Spencer.

24) Spencer looks like Grizzly Adams.

25) Schmo and Audrina are going to talk? What? Wait and it’s happening now, excellent.  My mom has always claimed Schmo looks like a witch.  She couldn’t be more right, I keep seeing it more and more.

26) Schmo you should receive the blame for Audrina and LC seperating so much.  Both parts of this argument are so well rehearsed that it’s difficult to critique, this conversation was clearly planned out.  Audrina with the evil dagger to end the discussion, “we will never be friends.”  Nice.

27) My mother called me after the show to predict that Heidi’s sister will move into the house after Audrina moves out.  A bold prediction but I love it and could see it happening.

Previews: AMAZING.  They set up the whole season, so much stuff:

28) Spencer disowning ShePratt for hanging out with LC.

29) ShePratt going on a date with Dougy.  Drama, Drama, Drama.  ShePratt, “she can’t dictate all of our lives.”

30) Doug and Brody are best buds.  Huh, Doug wants Brody’s leftovers?

31) Audrina takes her top off in the pool.  That wouldn’t be anything new. 

32) LC and Audrina actually trying to patch things up.

33) Audrina’s tatted up sister from the tabloids making an appearance.

34) Heidi’s sister moving out there.  And then the sister trying to help Heidi and LC patch up their long lost friendship. 

Wow great previews and a solid episode.  Looking forward to this season.

1) I’m surprised Audrina likes that new apartment she is looking at, it seems like it would be more for a guy, just huge open areas. 

2) Spencer, don’t kid yourself, you’re like me, you were just looking for any excuse to go to Vegas.

3) Rather annoying listening to Heidi chime in every 5 seconds with her bosses. 

4) Whitney to LC concerning living with Audrina, “how do you not see her that much you live with her?” I’ll answer that one for you Whitney.  LC has decided to become attached at the hip with Lo and banished Audrina to the guest house even though there is a 3rd bedroom in the main house.

5) So unfair that all Spencer has to do is jump in his car and drive to Vegas.  Talk about a perk of living in California.  I loved when he just left the car in the valet area and ditched ShePratt, comical. 

6) Why would Brent Bolthouse even offer Heidi a job? Have you ever seen her take her job seriously while she is just hanging out in the office. 

7) Very textbook episode so far.  Everything we’ve seen was already shown in the previews.  Throw me some new material already.

Lauren is too lazy to go out to the guest house to get Audrina, so she just clangs on the bowls.  Classy, LC.

9) D got scared by the preview of The Stranger.   Haha.

10) Heidi way to stand Brent up after he offered you a job you didn’t deserve.  At least have the decency to answer his calls or tell him you’re not going back with him.

11) LC and Audrina’s discussion was one of those where each party says their piece but they don’t really get anywhere.  Just saying what needed to be said and hoping they can move on from this.  I don’t see it happening as LC became quite offended when Audrina put the blame on Schmo. 

12) I did like that double finger ring though LC was wearing during the discussion.

13) BooYaKaShaw texted me a funny thought about the final scene, “I feel like Audrina is trying really hard to make herself cry but she’s just not that good of an actress.”  Quite funny and probably true.

14) It’s frustrating they didn’t show Spencer and Heidi working out.  Instead they show them fighting and then they just end it with them moving back in together.

Sorry about the short review, there were just so few thoughts tonight because it was an uneventful episode outside of the one big discussion. On the other hand the previews were awesome.

Next Season:

15) LC tries dating a guy for more than one date and he doesn’t appear to be a celebrity.  Interesting, will Brody come between this guy before he even has a shot?

16) Audrina stands up to Schmo.  Awesome.

17) Whitney gets offered a job in New York.  Will she leave? Or more importantly, how does she keep getting hotter.  Did you see how good she looked on the aftershow?

18) ShePratt has a huge party and invides both LC and Spencer.  Or more importantly shows a ridiculous amount of cleavage at her party.

19) Spencer claims he will disown his sister after her party.  Bullshit. 

The previews are always such a tease, looking forward to the next season though.  This will be the last Hills blog until August.  In the meantime check out this new Hills website I gound that always has new Hills news and a clever URL.

http://ihatelc.blogspot.com/

Before I start.  There’s a huge difference between this week’s review and a normal week’s review.  Normally I’m several beers deep or at least have one in hand.  This week (after a ridiculous amount of boozing in Madison) I have a 32 oz bottle of water filled with 4 Emergen-C packets.  Skol to my health.

1) Heidi is going to start helping Bolthouse in Vegas? I mean great for her if it’s true, but I just thought this was a fake job.  Someone please clarify this for me.

2) 875 listens later and I still love the introductury song.  Yeah I know, writers aren’t supposed to start sentences with numbers, don’t care.

3) Heidi doesn’t care what Spencer thinks.  Hmm, isn’t he your manager and your roommate/boyfriend?

4) Audrina’s job has some pretty sweat perks.  I would love to be able to drop in on just random bands whenever I wanted.

5) Way to show support for your friend LC.  You drop by the studio, say hi and manage to leave all within one minute.  That’s actually impressive. 

6) Lo hasn’t been funny at all this episode.  And when she isn’t funny her bitchiness comes out more and more.  Stop hogging LC, let her have other friends.

7) Heidi keeps talking her job up (also known as exaggerating) more and more to each person.  He hasn’t told you any of the details, quit making stuff up.

LC and Lo finally do something right this episode.  That dog is adorable.

9) Lo bitchily says, “she’s going to be at doggy day care and be like I have two mommies,” which causes Audrina to leave the room.  Lauren for the twelve hundredth time decides not to stick up for Audrina.  Causing my friend BooYaKaShaw to text me the following: “LC is probably the dumbest cunt in the entire world. That show is supposed to force you to like her but she’s such a worthless bitch.” Next time tell me how you really feel BooYa, don’t hold back. 

10) Which BooYaKaShaw then followed up with “Honestly though.  She treats her friends like shit and runs their lives and we’re supposed to sympathize her? Fuck her and her smiegel-esque bff.”  That’s actually quite well said in my opinion. 

11) ShePratt’s talking to Spencer and he is clearly not listening and just playing on his iPhone.  He couldn’t resemble me any more in that scene. 

12) Spencer used two funny lines there, “so what’s up (in an extremely cocky tone after telling her off)?” and “lalalalalalala.” 

13) JustinBobby and Audrina are back together I guess.  MTV’s version of the bottomline just informed me this, as underneath JB’s name it said Audrina’s boyfriend.

14) Did anyone else find that kitchen scene between Audrina and JustinBobby weird? For the first time in JB’s life he actually acted like he cared about Audrina.  Strange.  My guess is he really hasn’t changed, he’s just making sure he’s in her good graces so he can have ass whenever he wants it.

15) I was turned away a lot during that scene typing.  But, I looked back at the end and within three minutes Audrina had finished cooking the eggs and chopped up strawberries.  They seriously don’t try to cover anything up anymore. 

16) Brent Bolthouse has his own jet to use.  What a bad ass.

17) I like that USA olypics t-shirt Spencer has on.  I need to get that.  So simple yet money.

Previews: Next week is already the finale.  That was a quick 8 weeks.  Spencer flies to Vegas to see Heidi, no surprise.  But, the big surprise is that Audrina actually speaks up to LC and tells her how she really feels about Lo.  Should be a solid finale.

1) LC is buying her first home (at age 21?) and it is ridiculous.  No person who is barely old enough to drink should be buying a house that also features a guest house.  Unless you’re taking in Ryan from the O.C., then it’s okay.

2) Hold on, LC just told Audrina she is staying in the guest house.  What the hell? My only experience with guest houses was watching the O.C., which is where they put a kid from the streets of Chino because they were scared to have him in their house.  Now Audrina is being treated the same way.  I’m pretty sure she should have told LC to fuck off.

3) Just googled her house.  Turns out she paid $2.36 million for it.  Nice work LC.

4) What isn’t so nice LC, is that I started digging deeper into your house.  Turns out your main house has 3 bedrooms in it, which makes it even worse.  Audrina should clearly be staying in the main house.  Why would you do that to her?

5) Lo, “that melts my little black heart.” Are you implying you’re the devil? Am I missing something here?

6) ShePratt and Spencer have the same conversation every episode. 

7) The part from the preview where LC says “wait rewind” concerning JustinBobby was made to look like it was in other context.  In LC’s defense I think she was just wondering what was up with Audrina and JustinBobby.  She wasn’t trying to start any drama.

Danity Kane’s Damaged is being played by MTV during LC’s house party. Respek

9) Heidi you can’t just get mad at ShePratt for hanging out with LC.  You’re trying your hardest to become friends with LC again through Audrina.  So, that’s completely unfair to give ShePratt shit.

10) But, I do respect ShePratt for finally picking a side (for at least one episode) and being nice to lonely Heidi.  Next episode though ShePratt will be back in limbo between them again.

11) Lo, “Brody’s girlfriend is very pretty with very large breasts.”  Good stuff.

12) Stephen makes his first appearance.  And that man hasn’t lost a step, he carries himself perfectly.  He can have LC whenever he wants her. 

13) LC to Stephen, “I don’t believe we’re allowed back there (referring to the guest house).”  Of course you’re allowed back there, it’s your house.  But, this wouldn’t be so awkward if you hadn’t banished her back there in the first place.

14) JustinBobby talking in circles as per usual.  At least he has a new haircut, which looks surprisingly normal on him. 

15) Stephen already secured a date with LC. 

16) Those $5 footlong commercials by Subway are brilliant.

17) ShePratt didn’t even wait until the next episode.  She’s already hanging out with LC again. 

18) LC asked ShePratt if she knew who Stephen, her friend from high school was.  And ShePratt said no.  BULLSHIT.  ShePratt has been watching you on T.V. from day one and has been jealous of your superstardom. 

19) LC’s outfit for the date within Stephen was interesting.  A couple months from now all the girls will be wearing it because of her.  But, still that big blue think looked like an enormous bed sheet draped over her body.

20) Stephen called Lo, Schmo when he arrived at the house.  What does that stand for? Hopefully some revolting nickname they gave her in high school.  From now on Lo will be referred to as Schmo on my blog. 

21) Stephen keeps bringing up the guest house.  I think he is with me and thinks it is awkward as well. 

22) Stephen just dropped the money line from the preview.  “Lo is kind of like everyone else, that is wishing something would have happened between you and I.”  Lauren nods agreeingly (if that’s even a word) because she is part of that everyone else group.

23) And then the date gets silent as Stephen tells her “it seems to work that way” in regards to them being just friends.  You could literally see how crushed Lauren was. 

24) Stephen just won LC back over by referring to her as “precious cargo.”  Now she will be confused. 

25) Now that Schmo has LC all to herself in the main house she is coming around on me.  I was always down on her because she was constantly battling for LC’s attention.  Now that she has it all the time, she can be quite funny.  That hand gesture thing to LC was pretty funny.

26) MTV should zoom in on LC’s food more often.  I enjoyed how most of the last scene was LC’s tit while trying to show her eating yogurt.

All in all this was the best episode of the season.  They all deserved their 20 grand a piece for this episode.  It had everything including the Brody cameo. 

Previews: They got a new puppy.  Sweet. But then Lo (trying to hog LC as per usual) said the puppy has two mommies, which really pissed Audrina off.  And deservedly so, you three live together.  Mark it down, Audrina will be moving out soon.