Archive for the 'Nip/Tuck' Category

Really looking forward to this after the past two phenomenal episodes and season finale’s are always good.  I’m wondering what this year’s cliff hanger is.

1 - Candy Richards was the character Pussy Lips on Sean’s show Hearts N Scalpels.  That’s why I recognized her.  Turns out she didn’t need to do any acting or makeup to fit that part.  Those lips are atrocious.  And yes those boobs are too big, that is possible.

2 - Cops.  Yes, time to find out if Julia is dead.  Please be dead.  Argh.  Only shot.  Give me critical condition at least, so then Eden can sneak into the hospital and pull the plug on her.

3 - Commercials after the song again.  Really wanted those extra 2-3 minutes tonight.

4 - Eden playing the suicide card.  Expected.  Not really much to say about the Sean and Olyvia argument.  They both played the argument well. 

5 - Julia is in coma.  I should have seen that coming.  It makes complete sense, they eliminate some of the viewers frustrations by taking her out of some episodes. See if the first couple episodes of next season get better reviews without her and if they don’t just snap her out of the coma whenever you want (in the meantime everyone else continues to wonder what happened).  Brilliant.  

6 - An amputee with 2 missing legs.  I really can’t look.  It’s my fucking phobia.  I’m scared of people with missing limbs.  I can’t handle it.  Christian fucked this amputee before she lost her legs.  Oh god and she’s the mother to Matt’s SisterGirlfriend.  That means this couple has to break up immediately so the mom is gone.  At least for my sake, I had to look away from the t.v. during that entire scene.   

7 - Sean’s daughter, blanking on the name.  Is this her first episode this year?  Nope, I remember she was in that one where Eden was trying to corrupt her.   Annie, there it is.  I win.

8 - CrazyToes is hilarious (the bad version) and insane.  She needs to just stop talking.  I’m glad Christian ended that scene by calling her a freak.  Hopefully, CrazyToes doesn’t succeed in trying to kill one of them any time soon.

9 - Just decided to watch a commercial.  For some reason I’m really excited to see the movie Never Back Down.  I realize it’s probably being marketed to high schoolers, but I’m a shmuck for those kind of flicks.  Volchak from the O.C. is in it and that badass black guy from Blood Diamond as well.  Plus it’s like a modern day Karate Kid (UFC style), unfortunately minus Mr. Miyagi. 

10 - Hilarious.  Christian to Matt, “I can’t believe I have to say this, but you can’t sleep with your sister again.” I loved that line.

11 - Christian’s drinking Tequila with the woman that isn’t allowing me to watch parts of this episode.  Tequila never helps make good decisions.  I really hope he doesn’t fuck the amputee.

12 - Amputee to Christian, “I’m an 8, but since half of me is gone, I’m only a 4.”  (editor’s note: the author is holding back puke after the most recent zoom up on the legs that came out of nowhere)

13 - They are kissing.  Turning away permanently until the scene is over.  Oh god, hear the fucking noises.  REALLY? Do they have to do this to me?

14 - Sean just got to his apartment.  This is eery.  But, they forgot to use creepy halloween type music to scare me even more.  And there is the dead body in his closet.  Well, now that means he has to assume it’s CrazyToes.  But, that also means CrazyToes will be coming after him now.

15 - For some reason watching Christian repeatedly inject the patient with Botox was entertaining.  Just one needle hole after another.

16 - Julia is out of her coma.  There goes my whole awesome idea I came up with in number 5. 

17 - PussyLips is actually kind of amusing.  I find it funny that she actually thinks she is a celebrity.  Haha, and then the papparazi wasn’t even there for her.  At least we got to watch Sean push one of them though.  Too bad he didn’t use that agression earlier this year while fighting Christian.

18 - The papparazi guy that jumped on the hood of the car with the curly red hair reminded me of that other doctor from season 1.  What was his name? Boba?

19 - Julia has no memory.  Wow, that was obvious when she just stared at them all with blank faces.  Hey, look on the bright side, at least she’s not shaking any more.  Now, I wonder if Eden told her mom, I hope not.  I liked my longer coma idea better.

20 - Hmmm.  I wonder how Christian’s going to react to the move Sean just pulled.  He told Julia that they are still married and have 3 kids together (he stupidly included crab fingers).  Could they actually pull that off and try to go back to being a family? Or is this going to blow up in Sean’s face before the episode is even over.

21 - Papparazi harassing Christian.  Why is he hanging out with Annie though.  That’s got to be a first.  And then, Holy Shit! Talk about unexpected Christian and Annie get T-boned by another vehicle.  

22 - Matt ending a relationship.  Doing it himself as well.  Kind of impressive, which is why I’m not buying it.

23 - Christian only had a broken collarbone.  They got t-boned, what about Annie, her side got it much worse?  Christian and Sean are feeling sorry for themselves.  Lets hope they don’t just up and move locations again.   Fuck, Sean pulled out of the t.v. show, I liked that whole side story.  Oh, Sean is operating and fixing up Annie, perfect end to that little accident.  Oooh, what if Annie dies during surgery, no one would see that coming.

24 - I’m really worried about how the last 5 minutes are going to go.  They’ve already healed these injuries.  Meaning, there are some large curveballs coming up.

25 - Fuck.  I see this coming Liz hasn’t walked through the door.  Something bad is going to happen to Sean.  Yep, there it is, scissors right to the back 4 times.  Did CrazyToes kill Liz?  Is Sean going to bleed to death? 

Final Thoughts - Deep down I really saw this coming.  But, I doubt Sean is going to die, the show is built around the both of them.  Sean has survived the bad ass Carver already, CrazyToes should be a piece of cake.  As awesome as Christian is, he is nothing without Sean (as gay as that sounds).  CrazyToes was going to do this to him at some point.  Might as well make it a huge cliff hanger/question mark going into next year. 

Going into tonight’s episode I’m finally a few cocktails and drinks deep.  So, why not crack a few more while watching.  One quick funny story from tonight before I get on with the Nip/Tuck review.  Bomber calls me about five minutes prior to me leaving and asks me to check my car (since I drove last week) for his football jersey for tonight’s game.  I check my car and it’s not there.  So, we get to football and end up parking in the same exact spot we parked in last week.  I step out of the car and notice that I stepped on something.  What do you know, it’s Bomber’s frozen t-shirt sitting on the street.  It resembled a huge frozen saucer.  What are the fucking odds? So, I bring it in and throw it at him and tell him where I find it.  What does he do?  He heads to the bathroom and puts it under the hand dryer for 10 minutes and then decides to wear it.  Good times. 

Looking quite forward to this episode.  Earlier on today I wasn’t really that excited to see it, since last weeks was so great and I’m just expecting a let down.  But TurdBurglar texted me during the episode ‘Oh My God.’  Which can only mean something unexpected/bad happened.  Either way, it should be good. 

1 - Previously on Nip/Tuck stuff.  Holy shit.  I had forgotten some of those scenes.  The fluffer chick, probably my favorite Matty scene of all time.  Swastica chick and the two different men.  What’s with all the Matt flashbacks?  I’m predicting Matt hooks up with the creature tonight based on those scenes. 

2 - How happy was Christian reading that review of Sean’s show.  Probably an 11 out of 10.

3 - Ah, they cut to commercials after the song again.  Thanks for reminding me how bad I want those extra 3 minutes of the show Neo.

4 - Beer 1 finished.  Vomit Count still sitting at 0, but if they show the creature much more the vomit count is the odds on favorite.

5 - Christian to Matt, “are you wearing rubbers with her? (regarding the creature)”   Seriously, I’m not sure I can handle these conversations.

6 - Christian is going to fuck this chick with the birthmark on the face.  Lots of boring stuff from that convo I don’t feel like talking about. I’d rather focus on beer 2, kind of on a mission. 

7 - HotTubPooper is back and Sean looks like he’s enjoying her company.  I conveniantly forgot what I used to call her, she’s not been missed.  Haha, that extra with the scissor in his head made me laugh.  Don’t know why I found that funny.

8 - Who’s Sean meeting right now? I’m kind of buzzed I think.  Jesus, another facial issue.  That’s three already.  Creature, this guy and the current operation chick.  Wow, how unexpected was Sean being a prick to someone.  Year 1, he would have offered him a free surgery to be a nice guy and not even to get on his good side.  Year 3 just traded an operation for a good review.  Now, fuck it, I’m taking the Christian approach, straight asshole.

9 - Julia’s hair is falling out.  Happy about that.  Julia walked in on Christian fucking a random and then they sit down and talk about it.  This show is so off the wall, watching them talk about this doesn’t even surprise me.  P.S. Where is Olivia?

10 - Julia to Christian, “deep down you had a kind caring soul.” Christian, no response, just the biggest smirk, cheek to cheek.  For some reason I loved that.  Beer 3 opened. 

11 - Forgive but never forget.  Cliche much Julia.

12 - The ugly man wrote his evil review to get a free surgery out of this thing. 

13 - Yes, Christian’s going to fuck her.  I’m never wrong with this show.  I love it. (Turns out I was actually wrong on this one)  Beer 3 finished, but I’m feeling too lazy to go upstairs.

14 - Sean’s now going to trade a review for surgery.  Jesus, I thought he was beyond that. 

15 - Instead of gloating, I’ll just be content with the fact that I can look at them without the thought of vomiting.

16 - Matt is dating the creature.  Argh, eliminate her.  I’m shallow (definately misspelled), whatever. 

17 - Olivia is back, weird how I ask where she is and then she just appears.  And Olvia is forgiving Julia immeidately for sleeping with Christian.   This seems to good to be true.  I wonder if she knows she is poisoned. 

18 - Oooh.  I really liked that last scene.  Eden straight faced, acted all nice to Julia while trying to poison her more.  Then Julia reads the test results and realizes Eden is poisoning her.  Sorry, I don’t feel bad for Julia.  I’m still rooting for Eden. 

19 - The creature is leaving.  (Editor’s note: the author just let out a huge sigh)

20 - Matt and the creature arguing.  Good times.  Matt can flip on a dime.  I love that aspect of his personality.  So happy being wrong on this one.  Matt fucked the girl that got the birthmark removed.  He moves from the unfixed creature to the fixed one.  Good choice faux Michael Jackson.  And now Matt’s already falling in love.  That’s hilarious.

21 - “Oh my God.” TurdBurglar said it best.  WOW.  The one Matt just fell in love with is his sister.  Turns out Christian has another child he doesn’t know about.  WOW, can’t wait to see how this plays out.

22 - Watching the frat boy get mad at the t.v reviewer was funny.  But, come on, ruining more faces, unnecessary. 

23 - That whole incest discussion was weird.  But, Matt falls in love with anything that loves him.  And the chick is fucking someone for the first time so will naturally love her first partner.  So, it’s not that far fetched to think they would both want to try and continue it. 

24 - Um.  Watching in awe right now.  Not sure what to write.  And what I just wrote, was only while Julia and Eden were fighting.  Eden has a gun now.  OH MY GOD (again, I’m not even sure which one TurdBurglar was talking about now).  Is my wish going to come true? 

25 - YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.  I feel no remorse.  I’m so proud of my Eden.  The only problem with this is that her character might not make it out of the season or maybe she’ll get two seasons, max.  The killer’s are always removed fairly quickly. 

Previews - So much is going to happen.  Jesus Christ.  I can’t believe it’s already the season finale already though.  That is my only issue with this show, the season’s are too short.  But, I can’t complain, I just got back to back phenomenal episodes with a sweet looking finale ahead. 

The Eden and Kimber episode.  If the title for this episode doesn’t include those names I will be shocked.  This is the most excited I’ve ever been for an episode.  Before getting started I decided I should post some pictures of the two beautiful ladies that are probably going to sleep together this episode for the non Nip/Tuck watchers.

 Kimber

The Eden picture from IMDB.com wouldn’t work and the other pictures out there don’t do her justice.  So click this link for her pic.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm778080512/nm1715118

1 – Sean should clearly judge the competition his publicist suggested.  But, how does he randomly just have a publicist now?

2 – A dinner party where Christian gets to woo a bunch of rich divorcees, that’s a great plotline for this episode and we haven’t even got to the aforementioned blondes yet.

3 – Pretty glad I could just fast forward through the ‘Jumper’ movie preview.  That flick looks like dogshit.

4 – For the second time in 8 minutes they are warning us this episode is for mature audiences only.  I’m going to go ahead and read too far into that and assume they are talking about how awesomely sexual the Kimber/Eden scene is going to be. Editors Note: the author does not yet have a hard on. 

5 – Oh god, the scene begins with Christian and Sean interviewing Kimber and Eden.  I liked the Wizard reference by Chrisitan.  And then good god, they fucked up Eden’s face, that’s bullshit.  Argh.  Fix it now doctors before we watch their sex scene.

6 – Kimber, “we are shooting my new film ‘Inside Kimber Henry,’ it’s very arty.”  Two comments on that one.  First, that is a perfect title.  Second, there’s no such thing as an arty porno. 

7 – Completely ignore that frustration in the last sentence.  Good god, I feel like I’m in middle school all over again watching a softcore porn.  Except the quality and storyline is infinitely better.  I can’t stop rewatching this scene.  The idea of Kimber looking through a fake mirror at Eden, dreaming of her virgin days and fucking a young Kimber is just brilliant.  I’m in awe, I don’t think they could have done that scene much better without them both being naked.

8 – And then Eden ad libs the scene and tells Kimber that she’s a little whore and Kimber needs to hit her.  Kimber after a brief hesitation winds up with clenched fists and punch’s her.  I think a slap could’ve sufficed there.

9 – And then (that’s the third time I’ve used and then, I feel like I’m in the movie Dude Where’s My Car).  Fucking no more ‘and then’s’ already.

10 – Alright fine.  I’ll move on.  I really could watch that on loop for hours.  Kimber taunting Christian with the line, “celebrity is a club and it’s one you haven’t been invited to join,” I sense as a little foreshadowing.  I now think he’s going to dominate this rich divorcees dinner tonight and become a celebrity.

11 – Good boy Sean.  Way to go ahead and fix Eden’s perfect face.

12 – Jesus Christ I’m only 12 minutes into the episode and I’m already on point 12.  Sorry if this becomes a novel ladies and gents.

13 – Eden sweet talking Sean on the hospital bed isn’t going to fool me.  But, damn you are good at what you do little child. 

14 – Divorcee party time.  Christian’s first line to the lady holding the cat, “nice pussy.”  This should be a treat.

15 – Christian has to outperform a gray headed old man and gay twins.  This shouldn’t be hard.  Plus, each woman just wants to fuck, he’s golden.  Christian takes the head of the table at dinner, this is just too easy.   Christian, “you ladies seem very close.”  Please tell me he’s hinting at the idea of an orgy with all of them. 

16 – Good God.  CHRISTIAN IS BRILLIANT.  Yes, I just wrote in all caps, but I didn’t know how else to describe how baller that move just was.  These guys are trying to impress these women with their college resumes and Christian decides that grades don’t prove anything and instead says you want to see my resume to the other guy, stands up and whips his dick out at the dinner table.  Then with said dick out says, “it takes two things to make a great surgeon, steady hands and a monster one of these (staring down at dick).  Bigger the cock, the greater the confidence, the greater the confidence, the better the surgeon, this dinner is a pissing contest and you ladies have all the power and all the money.  You’ve invited us here tonight to entertain you, so I’m cutting straight to the chase.  You boys think you can trump my Ace of clubs.”  What a phenomenal speech.  

17 - This has been the best 20 minutes ever on Nip/Tuck.  I can’t even think of a close second and that’s high praise considering I love this show and this is the fifth season.  So happy right now. 

18 – Third time they’re mentioning this is for mature audiences only.  Haha.

19 – That little argument between Eden and Kimber is just going to make their next sex scene even better.  Especially, if they really don’t like each other.

20 – Ram breaking down the sex industry was priceless.  Gilf porn sells like wild fire. Hilarious. 

21 – Sean just made a deal with Ram.  He’s going to fix up four Granny’s and in exchange Ram will release Eden from her porn contract.  There is no way this is going to work out as easily as it sounds.

22 – Christian’s speech won over the divorcees, no surprise.  Now, he’s going through and fucking them all and explaining what they need improvement on.  How do you get that job again? How many years of schooling do you need?  I’d consider going back. 

23 – The last chick wants Christian to change her face to look like a cat? What the fuck?

24 – Sean walking in on Eden changing.  She’s staying at his place.  He handed her the contract, now they are gonna fuck again.  PLEASE do it.

25 – CrazyToes just walked into the apartment.  Fuck, please don’t tell me she kills off Eden now that Eden’s trying to get close to Sean.  That would be brutal. 

26 – The music during the cat surgery is killing me.  I really hope he gets famous off this surgery.

27 – No, CrazyToes just introduced herself to Eden.  No.  Please say that whole scene is a dream.  If not, you were right Eden, CrazyToe’s is just in love with Sean.

28 – I’m actually getting queasy as he unbadages this catwoman.  I really hope it doesn’t gross me out too bad.  Manageable, just hope he doesn’t get sued.  Now, Christian has to fix her because she is bipolar.  I think that’s a much better decision anyhow. 

29 – CrazyToes works at a teddy bear stand in a mall as her real job.  I nailed that.  I’ve been saying for two weeks now that I didn’t even think she was an agent. 

30 – The worst part about Sean dropping her as his agent means she’s probably going to turn into a ruthless killer.  Hopefully she only takes out Julia before getting caught.

31 – Huh? Why the hell is Eden sleeping in the same bed as Ram and Kimber.  See, in point 12 I was right, never believe the trashy crazy little slut.  She’ only 18 years old, all she knows is games. 

32 – Sean walking into his place alone.  This is going to end one of two ways.  He’s either going to run into crazytoes inside his pad or find a note from Eden.  This music and slow walking is really creeping me out.  And right after I write that he finds blood on his hand.  This is only going to end badly.  Hopefully CrazyToes is laying in his bed dead after committing suicide.  Don’t set the bottle down you clown, what if it’s the Carver, you need a weapon.  I NAILED IT, I hope she dies.  I fucking own this show, but more particularly this character CrazyToes.  Everything she does, I see it coming. 

33 – This was hands down my favorite episode ever.  How can anything beat a porn scene with Kimber and Eden?  Not to mention maybe the best speech Christian’s ever given. 

Previews – Too much stuff going on.  They showed about 15 scenes in that 30 second clip.  Too lazy to analyze since it can’t compare to this episode. 

1) Why do I know the mini story guy? Ah, I think I got it, I think he made a cameo in a Dawson’s Creek episode.

2) Cannibalism.  Interesting plotline.  How they continue to come up with new ideas is amazing.

3) Oooh, a Wilbur sighting.  More importantly, Christian’s going to fuck that teacher, I know it.

4) I don’t get that one.  I’m sure there was some sort of symbolism in that picture Wilbur drew, someone help explain that one to me.

5) What the fuck is wrong with agent chick’s feet?  Want to vomit

6) Christian’s fake explanation to Wilbur is hilarious.  Wilbur’s, “Is mommy a slut?” line, had me rolling.  I knew it was a fake but I wish it wasn’t.  I can almost always tell when they are faking stuff in the show now and when they do that whole fake dream thing.

7) CAA.  Gay yet decently funny twist. 

The head CAA guy said he’d never heard of Collen Rose (Sean’s agent).  See I was right last week when I suspected she might be a fake.

9) They still have to conduct an autopsy on someone (Gina) after they die even if they have A.I.D.S.?  That can’t be smart.  Does A.I.D.S. die when the person dies?

10) Has the canniblistic blonde been in another episode.  When she was screaming she looked familiar.

11) The Sean Bar.  That woman (fake agent) has so many screws lose.

12) Dinner at the palms.  So jealous.  That’s the one place I keep missing in Vegas and hear good things about.

13) Liz, “nice to know she (Gina) touched so many people.” Pun intended.  This shows had quite a few one liners.

14) Speaking of one liners.  Gina gave, “a handjob like an Octopus.” Great stuff, officially one of the best death speech’s ever.  But, the other speach, the aids one, strange.  Really wondering what Christian’s going to say (he ended up never speaking).

15) I’m excited for Dirt to return.  March 2nd.

16) Wilbur bit another kid.  High comedy.

17) I nailed it with my guess earlier because Christian just nailed the teacher.  And then the teacher bit Christian.  She’s fucked.  Christian’s going to screw her over for trying to accuse Wilbur.

18) Christian and Sean might lose (to death) their first patient.  Wait, I’m probably wrong, I’m sure they’ve lost one before.  Now the familiar looking blonde just cut herself, jesus, lots of plot twists in this episode.

19) The agents place is crazy with all those bears.  More than just a few screws lose.  And she lives in Korea town.  Yes, I was right last week, when I knew she didn’t live in the mansion Sean dropped her off at.  Something’s off about this CAA guy coming to her place because you know Sean wasn’t invited.

20) Screws lose agent lady created an agent teddy bear with fucking fangs on it.  Wow.

21) I nailed it again saying something’s off, the crazy agent chick just jacked the CAA agent in the back of the head with a wine bottle.  I really have been dead on with all my guesses about this woman.

22) What the hell is that machine she has him hooked up to? Ah, a stuffing machine.  Wow, just a phenomenal episode.  But, how is she going to cover this murder up?

23) Christian got outsmarted by the teacher, that doesn’t happen.  Bullshit.

24) Agent chick needs a new name, I’ve called her like twelve things.  Teddy bear/agent/crazy toes something.  Can’t think of anything clever.  Suggestions appreciated.

25) Smooth move Christian, give Wilbur a puupy to overcome mommy’s death.  I feel like that might actually work with young kids.

Previews - Eden and Kimber.  YES YES YES. Big smile on this guy’s face.  So f-ing excited for next week.  It has the potential to be my favorite episode ever.  And finally I’ll be in town and do a live review.

1) I liked the mini story in this week’s show.  Guy gets hosed after marrying a woman for her money.  Sounds fair.

2) Sean’s poop fucking ex-girlfriend makes a return.  Hopefully, it’s short lived.

3) Eden’s such a whore.  I missed her.

4) If Gina’s the new secretary and Julia moved to Hollywood on a whim.  What ever happened to their old company? (they actually explained this later in this episode)

5) Fake Doc and Eden are such great additions to this show.  I really hope Fake Doc doesn’t disappear now that he is kicked off the show.

6) They keep coming up with new sex scenes.  Kissing an H.I.V. positive woman while fucking another one.  Geez, you’d think they would have run out of ideas by now. 

7) Hmmm. I have no idea what’s wrong with Julia.  My only guess is that she is pregnant because of all the vomiting.  If I’m right, I promise I had no idea, I had avoided all Nip/Tuck information since the episode aired.

Julia sucks.  Let her die already.  When she’s sick, she uses Sean, the nice guy.  When she wants the dick, she uses Christian.  She does not deserve to get the best of both worlds.

9) That grandma that loves to fuck is really creeping me out.  And now she may have fucked her younger husband to death, that’s outrageous.

10) Sean’s agent is suspect.  There’s something not right there, outside of the fact that she wants Sean’s dick.

11) Sweet.  I couldn’t have been more dead on with my last line.  Now, when Sean dropped her off at home she walked away from the front steps, which means maybe she isn’t an agent at all or at the least unsuccessful.

12) Gina being her conniving whore self.  At least she’s fucking with Julia instead of Christian this time.  Woah, and then Gina told Julia he’s cheating on her with herself (Gina).  Which would of course scare Julia because she would then think that she has A.I.D.S.  Bring out the cat claws. 

13) Sean assuming the movie star role by fucking the hot extras.  I love it.

14) Gina just said there is no difference between love and sex.  I’m pretty sure she’s in the minority on that one.  And you wonder why she has A.I.D.S.

15) Wow. Christian fucked Gina, even though she has A.I.D.S. That is the dumbest fucking thing ever.  I don’t care if he’s wearing a condom it’s A.I.D.S., it’s not curable.  HOLY SHIT and then Gina fell off the top of the building.  That’s got to be real.  It makes sense she’s got another role in Friday Night Lights and they needed to just ended her character.

Previews - Yep, Gina’s dead.  Standing pat in my thinking, that it’s a good thing for the show as long as Christian never serves jail time.  But, he shouldn’t try to reconstruct her face to cover it up, isntead just say it was an accident, who cares what Julia thinks.  Hell, maybe Julia will have a heart attack, that would be awesome.  And I’m glad Sean’s looking for a new agent, I hate the current one.